Oasis of Incarceration

No matter how major the sin

2009-09-03T13:12:00.003-04:00

Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) said that the Prophet Muhammad PBUH said:

“There was among the people who came before you a man who killed ninety-nine people. Then he asked about the most knowledgeable person on earth, and was directed to a hermit, so he went to him, told him that he had killed ninety-nine people, and asked if he could be forgiven. The hermit said, ‘No,’ so he killed him, thus completing one hundred.

Then he asked about the most knowledgeable person on earth and was directed to a scholar. He told him that he had killed one hundred people, and asked whether he could be forgiven. The scholar said, ‘Yes, what could possibly come between you and repentance? Go to such-and-such a town, for in it there are people who worship Allaah. Go and worship with them, and do not go back to your own town, for it is a bad place.”

So the man set off, but when he was halfway there, the angel of death came to him, and the angels of mercy and the angels of wrath began to argue over him. The angels of mercy said: ‘He had repented and was seeking Allaah.’ The angels of wrath said: ‘He never did any good thing.’ An angel in human form came to them, and they asked him to decide the matter. He said:

‘Measure the distance between the two lands (his home town and the town he was headed for), and whichever of the two he is closest to is the one to which he belongs.’ So they measured the distance, and found that he was closer to the town for which he had been headed, so the angels of mercy took him." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim (6766)]

Many people these days are afraid that Allah SWT won't forgive their sins because their sins are so "massive". Allah SWT says in the Qu'ran:

“Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful” [39:53]

Hadiths about Allah SWT's forgivness:

Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah PBUH say: “Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, said: ‘O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you and I would not mind.’”[Al-Tirmidhi (3540)]

‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah PBUH said: “The one who repents from sin is like one who did not sin.” [Saheeh Ibn Maajah]

It's never to late to repent from sin (unless the Day of Judgment begins, or a person's life ends).

There are three main conditions that have to be met for the sin to be forgiven (Inshaa'Allah). The condidtions are:

He/she must give up the sin immediatly
Must regret and have remorse for what he/she has done
Must resolve to never repeat that sin again InshaaAllah

BONUS:We are currently in the month of Ramadan, meaning Allah SWT is seeking those who are asking for forgivness so that He Al-Forgiving may forgive them! Let us be of those whos past sins are forgiven in this blessed month filled with mercy.

Make the most of Ramadan

2009-08-30T16:54:00.004-04:00

Allah swt says,

“Which then, is better: he who has founded his building on God-consciousness and [a desire for] His goodly acceptance – or he who has founded his building on the edge of a water-worn, crumbling river-bank, so that it [is bound to] tumble down with him into the fire of hell? For God does no grace with His guidance people who [deliberately] do wrong” [9:109]

One should sincerely work on building for his/her hereafter while living in this world. It’s not as hard as it may seem. All it would take is a little – perhaps a lot – of determination, commitment, trust and faith in Allah swt, and most importantly having the proper intention (to do it solely for the sake of Allah swt).

Al-Kauthar Institute has put together a really beneficial Ramadan Checklist that can help one put things into perspective.

Just print out three copies and have them set aside. Every week take out one copy and fill in the activities you did in the day. Inshaa'Allah by day you’ll see some personal improvements, and by the end of the month you’ll see how you really took the most of your Ramadan.

Download your Ramadan checklist here.

Sha'aban is almost gone!

2009-08-19T01:54:00.006-04:00

"O Muslims! A noble and generous month has come to you. A month in which a night is better than one thousand months, and this month is the month of charity, patience, and mercy. In this month the gates of Paradise become wide open and the gates of Hell are shut, and the devils are chained" (An-Nasa'i).

Ramadan is the most blessed month in the entire year and it is a time to turn back to Allah swt, to cleanse oneself of sin, and to transform oneself fully in body, mind and soul.

Let's not lose this chance to get closer to Allah swt and get the most out of this month packed with blessings! It is the time to compete for the greatest love; the love of Allah.

Lamentable Shame

2009-06-03T01:27:00.000-04:00

Sins, a large serpent,

Strangling its master.

The soul – wounded - cries in pain,

The heart cries of a lamentable shame.

A burden so immense.

Lips tremble,

Eyes fill with tears of pain,

Glorifying His name,

Pleading for His Mercy.

Memories begin revealing themselves.

Actions that had once been pleasant now infested with sin.

Words that had once brought seeming contentment were corrupted by ignorance.

The heart remembers its mournful disobedience,

The heartless gossip,

The shameless mockery,

Agonizing days spent on lies.

Tears flush the eyes,

Lips eloquently articulate supplication,

Flowing peacefully from the heart,

Humbly praying to the Creator,

Asking for all that has been lost.

Burdens slowly are unconfined,

A tainted soul is presented to its Creator.

With a light touch of the forehead on the ground,

A sinful believer prostrates entirely to Him the Most High.

Phrases asking for repentance, begging for His mercy,

Raising into the heavens,

Ascending closer the Most Beneficent.

His name is uttered into the depths of the night.

Allah,

Most beautiful of all names.

Allah,

Most majestic combination of letters.

Most precious of words.

The tongue continues remembrance,

The soul is embraced by the sweetness of faith.

The heart, yearning for more of His infinite mercy,

The mind, seeking His guidance,

The heart finds liberation, tranquillity, relief.

The soul finds rest, satisfaction, appeasement.

The mind is awakened.

The world that once was strained,

That was once filled with deceptive happiness,

That caused the soul to feel constricted,

Has let go.

Silence.

“Say: Oh My slaves who have been prodigal to their own hurt! Despair not of the mercy of Allah, Who forgives all sins. Lo! He is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (Surah 39 – Al Toubah; Ayah 53)

Party Time!

2009-05-10T02:14:00.008-04:00

Not really.

Being his partner on this blog (by partner I only mean contributer) I thought about it, and realized I should wish Ehsun a happy birthday!

Yes, May 10th is his birthday for those who don't know. I think I'll keep his age disclosed for now as I am not sure if he really wants the whole world to know - its his choice of course.

Here's a couple of dua's big guy!

I hope you have a good one Inshaaallah!

You're now one year older, one year wiser, and one year...closer to being a husband, and a father! InshaaAllah you get married to an awesome person just as yourself.

Reminders from the Qu'ran:

Allah swt loves:

-those who do good deeds (2:195)

-those who ask Him for forgiveness (2:222)

-those who purify themselves (2:222)

-those who are God-fearing (3:76)

-those who are steadfast (3:146)

-those who trust Him (3:159)

-those who act justly (5:42)

-those who strive for His cause (61:4)

-those who follow His Prophet Muhammed peace and blessings be upon him (3:31)

(From this source)

Need Male Readers

2009-05-01T09:48:00.003-04:00

Not that I don’t appreciate the current audience, of course. You girlies have always left really good (and often amusing) comments. But I just couldn’t help wondering why this blog has more female readers than male. At least seemingly so, since gender is hard to tell over the internet.

So is it the poetry? Generally I think women tend to appreciate and indulge in poetry way more than men do. Admittedly, even I don’t read other people’s poetry, but only because generally you would come across emotive poetry about their personal lives, in which I am not remotely interested. I read Rumi, Hafez, and Khayyam, but come on, you can’t compare those to the average teen’s poetry about their heartbreak. That’s generally why if I write poetry, I keep it general about life or human emotions, so that most people could relate to it. But anyways, I guess emotion and self-expression are more feminine values than male ones.
I believe most famous male poets wrote about general topics about emotions, humanity, or just stories, whereas the famous female poets sometimes wrote about personal emotions. Am I right? I went and looked over my own poetry, and at least from my own perspective, I seemed to have conformed to a similar pattern.

But then it could also be that some of posts are gender-centric. So a lot of gender relationship issues, like why Muslim men don’t say salaam to Muslim hijabis. Or feminsm. Yeah, feminism. That definitely attracts women. Right?

Maybe men just have better things to do than sit online and read blogs. I guess I just write on a blog occasionally cause I’ve got thoughts I want to share. Meaningful ones. Not the ones about my crazy complicated love life spanning across five different girls. (I wish). Or maybe I don’t. I’ll figure that one out and get back to you.
But yeah, that was a joke. I didn’t mean that men have BETTER things to do, just different interests. For example, I’d rather take a long walk in the city than read blogs. Or I’d rather go driving on the highway than read blogs.

Don’t get me wrong. I do like to read some blogs. Just not the typical ones you find around. Like about a girl’s birthday, and how some guy she liked showed up and how excited she got. And they nearly had a special moment but then blablabla.

Okay, okay seriously, I’ll get serious before I offend half the readers.

What if it’s because… the internet is dominated mostly by females. So that way it just makes sense that any blog would get more female readers. I mean come on, let’s get real. It’s MOSTLY women who set up their little online personal spaces. Men do too, but not as much as women. Statistically it just makes sense why this blog gets more female readers.
I guess that’s a good thing, cause then feminism can just stay confined to the boundaries of the internet, and not leak out so much in real life. HAHA! Okay seriously, not to be sexist, but women tend to be very outspoken feminists on the internet, talking about “the fight” isn’t over yet, when in real life they never really picked up so much as a spatula (note: kitchen reference), much less a real weapon, for their noble cause.

Man, this post is turning out to be shameless rant. Women enjoy reading those too, right? Okay, I don’t hate girls, I’m literally just brainstorming theories here. It’s 3am, I tend to get a little funny at this time of night. Especially if I drank bottled artesian water. I don’t know what it is about bottled artesian water.

Okay, I bet some of you wonder why I think and write so much about gender issues. And I wondered it too, and I finally figured out that it’s because I came from two different cultures where women behave in two VERY different and contrasting ways. Okay and yeah, it’s my mother too, she’s got this paranoia and is always telling me about some girl that got married to some guy and ruined his life. It must be her way to motivate me to let her choose a bride for me. Little does she know that it’s slowly motivating me to not get married at all.

So seriously, this blog needs male readers. Once in a while I’d like to post something philosophical, but I don’t, cause I figure it wouldn’t be popular with girls. Girls don’t do deep thinking. I need some male readers to comment on it
Okay relax, that was a joke too. But maybe it’s a hint as to my next post that I might write. Okay, so it’s not such a good hint anymore. Either you people are really smart, or I just made it really obvious. Common sense and and years of cultured intelligence indicate I should put my money on the latter. No offense. If you really want to be prepared, look up the anthropic principle.

Anyways, I’d love to hear your serious, or even your not-so-serious, feedback. The artesian water is wearing off.

Aisha does it again

2009-04-09T06:23:00.008-04:00

It's about time things are getting done. I put this blog under some serious down time!

Allow me to explain myself. As many of you know, Ehsun hadn't been posting anything, and I wasn't able to write any new articles either. People had been saying this blog is dying so I decided to take immediate action. After surfing through other blogs online, I concluded that what this blog needed was a template that went with the whole 'feel' and content. Hopefully this ends up working.

What you see here isn't the final design as I'm still working on it and it looks totally different from this one. Lets just say this a temporary one because, I uh, lost the original template in the process and eventually I got too lazy to find it again.

Hopefully Ehsun didn't notice I had disabled his blog for almost an entire week.

In the mean time, I advise you all to subscribe so that if anything ends up happening you'll be the first to know.

Our Pain

2009-01-05T08:23:00.005-05:00

I couldn’t go so long without recognizing the atrocities and crimes being committed against my brothers and sisters in Palestine. Those of us that are Muslim feel this pain, and Alhamdulillah that we are able to feel this.
It’s remarkable how some of us live such comfortable lives, and yet tend to complain so much. And even when we do not complain, are we being thankful enough for what we have?
There’s not much else for me to say that others don’t know.

If you read this, please take the time at some point in your day, for at least 5 minutes, to make Du’a for our Palestinian brothers and sisters, and all our Ummah that suffers around the world. May Allah SWT grant them peace in this world and in the next. Ameen.

Dunyah

2008-11-29T01:12:00.005-05:00

We are living everyday as if we will live forever. Wasting our time not realizing that it can never be brought back, that whatever passes is gone, and whatever we do we are accounted for.

The Prophet Muhammed PBUH warned us of this dunyah. He said: “The dunyah is cursed. Cursed is all that is in it except for the remembrance of Allah, and that which resembles it, a scholar, and a student (of knowledge).” [1]

If there was any good in this dunyah (life) than the Prophet PBUH would have informed us of it and he would have lived attached to this dunyah and living in its luxuries. Instead, this great man, an example to be followed, sacrificed it all with confidence that whatever will come after this life is far better and more ever, eternal.

Indeed, we have been put in this life to be tested. Some of us will remain steadfast in the remembrance of Allah, thanking Him the All-Compassionate and asking for His forgiveness; whereas others of us will go astray, diverging from the path of Allah - following our whims and desires without taking ourselves into account, therefore disobeying Allah.

One knowledgeable man compared this life to a landmine, where every step he would take could possibly lead to his destruction. Every move would be made carefully, everything he did would either count against him or to his advantage, and when death came there was no running from it. It is not only the destruction of the body which he was referring to, but also the destruction of the soul (by committing evil deeds). What remains of us after our death is not our body but our soul and that is what we will be judged with.

Every good deed we obtain it increases our chance to getting into the higher ranks in Jennah, and every bad deed will count against us, unless His Mercy is bestowed upon us. As Allah swt states in the Qu’ran:

The righteous actions we perform are far more valuable than we could ever imagine. We may see things as being being very simple but in the Eyes of Allah swt they are great! Deeds are not rewarded based on their “size” as many of us perceive it to be. The goodness and the intention of deeds is where the reward comes from.

Umar bin Al-Khattab narrated that the Prophet PBUH said: “Deeds are (a result) only of the intentions (of the actor), and an individual is (rewarded) only according to that which he intends […]".[3]

Allah swt will question us on the Day of Judgement, the Day where every single action, every intention, every word we uttered, everything we saw, heard, felt, touched, done, (you name it), we will be accounted for. He swt is Most Just and His Mercy is significantly greater than the mercy that a very affectionate, gentle, loving mother has for her children. However, who are we to take advantage of that? He has created us, and knows us better than we know our own selves. The Quran has been given to us as guidance, and the Prophet Muhammed PBUH lived his life as an example for us. In order to properly worship Allah swt, we need to understand the teachings in the Qu’ran and Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad PBUH.

Psst, I have a secret!

The secret of guidance is simpler than what many of us may think of it to be! This deen (Islam) was not created as to be a burden on those who follow it, rather it is a way of life that gives its believers happiness and contentment.

The definition of happiness varies from culture to culture and from one person to another. The definition of happiness in Islam is by far the most universal. When one follows the straight path given by Allah swt, even when he/she is afflicted with trials and tribulations, hardships, temptations and desires, he/she remains happy and confident that in the hereafter he/she will receive eternal happiness in Paradise. Patience will be bestowed upon him/her as a blessing from Allah swt. This path which we follow is continuous and we are only at the beginning of it…

__________________________________

[1] (Al-Tirmidhi, Ibn Maajah, and Bayhaqi)

[2] [99:V 7,8]

[3] Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim.

[4] [33:V 21]

The Feminist Bug

2008-11-13T10:28:00.006-05:00

Yeah, I said it. And I can’t take all the credit.
Initially, this thought sparked when I heard Baba Ali’s interview on how he got married. You can hear the whole interview here, though I must warn you the quality is pretty bad.

Baba Ali used those two words “Feminist Bug” to define all of my own marriage woes, as well as those of other Muslim men out there. And when he said, “Unfortunately, a lot of people have the feminist bug,” that’s when I thought “Aha! So I’m not the only one!” And hey, I gotta admit, it feels nice to be able to relate to someone less likely to be criticized for a certain viewpoint than myself.

Well, not that I’m afraid of criticism, (those of you that know me, know how true that is). It’s just difficult to put words to the attitudes of modern day Muslim women. Those two words, did it perfectly. (And so obvious too, I wonder why it was so hard for me).

Anyways. Growing up in a community where a lot of this feminism occurs has made me more perceptive to it. Do some of these Muslim women KNOW what feminism means and what it pushes for? There is no such thing as equality between men and women! Not unless you get a sex change! In Islam, there’s equity, NOT equality. Equity is better, cause then you get what fits you best.

Some of these “educated” women didn’t even get an education to get smart, as much as they got it so they can flash their degrees to their husbands in an attempt to attain empowerment in the relationship. I mean why get married?! Oh right. Cause that degree you got doesn’t get you enough of an income, so you had to marry someone that did have a decent income. And then once you get married, just take the “women’s rights” train uptown. It’s free.
And then you can take the extreme route which several women I know have taken, which is to get a divorce and get half of the guy’s property for free. And when you go to gatherings and parties, people will pity you after you tell them what a horrible husband you had and how he never respected you and didn’t give you your rights, etc etc.

Talk about self-respect and sincerity.

If you don’t believe me about this equality stuff, here, let me just pull out from the dictionary what feminism means.

“a doctrine that advocates equal rights for women.”
source

And my personal favorite from urbandictionary.com:
“Feminism is a federally funded, politically correct, special interest hate group.”
source

Can someone tell me what is Islamic about feminism? Because I am totally bewildered as to why Muslim women buy into this crap.

Oh wait. Wait, wait, wait! Don’t talk just yet. I know why women buy into feminism. It’s cause of all that gossip that goes around, about a certain husband doing something to his wife, and how another husband is such a bad father, and another husband is a slob that doesn’t work and beat their wives to cook and clean… etc.
Get women started on those things and you’ll never hear the end of it.

But I have to say, that is one pathetic excuse for any women to be a feminist. Yes it is an excuse.

Look, I’m not saying that women always have it good. Obviously there are times when a woman has to advocate for her rights, but in this day and age, it’s become more like a gender card rather than something noble.

There’s two types of feminists that I’ve noticed from my observations: activists, and complainers.

To this day, I have never known of a Muslim activist, but I’ve known enough complainers to make me sick, literally sick with worry. And it’s worry because women play a huge and very important role in our Muslim communities. And if you have stupid women, you have a messed up community. Very bad.

I don’t disagree with what activists push for, in fact I’m with them on issues such as equal pay for women in the work force, rights in marriage, harassment at work and other places, etc. The only thing that irks me is this equality vs equity.

But today, a large majority of women have taken these causes into a whole new direction by using it as the sharp end of the taming stick for men. I could go as far as to call it subconscious sexism.
Islamic principles demand of us Muslims to stick with what is RIGHT, not wrong. Yet Muslim women have this notorious habit of sticking up for each other even when they are wrong. And though it might sound like a super fun clique, it’s actually just plain ignorance banded together by sexism.

And in the end, does it ever make sense?! These women end up getting married, they might have a son, they all had a father. In the end they can’t even stay consistent on their own sexism and hatred. It’s all so selfish, because when they need to they flash the gender card, and when it comes to marriage it’s like they’re totally fine even though on the inside they’ll be thinking of all these defensive politics to play if things go even slightly against their desires in the marriage.
Sneaky.

And scary. They wonder why good Muslim men go “back home” to get married. It’s cause they know that his wife won’t pull the rug out from under his feet and run just when he least expects it.
But above all, men go to marry back home because of culture. Whatever bad things you have to say about culture, fine, but there’s one good thing that’s in women “back home” that is a lot harder to find in some of the women here who have caught the feminist bug. And that is that they understand the importance of family ties better.

It’s just something you can’t find at least in my community anymore.

I think it’s all subconscious hatred or at least some level of displeasure that these kinds of women have with men. They’ll never call it that, they won’t consider themselves feminists, but that’s what their ideologies and thoughts stand for. A lot of people would like to interpret this post as oppressive to women, and a lot of people would like to think of me as someone that wants women to be obedient and shy and walked all over like a rug.
It’s not true, so let me tell you what I would like to see in our Muslim Ummah. Less gedneralizations, less hatred. Men and women were made for each other to work as a team, but for whatever reasons it’s transformed into a tug of war. I want women to take a more calm and controlled approach to the men that do violate the rights of women, an approach with wisdom behind it along with the right intentions. Muslim women should be modest, but also firm. They should be educated, but not arrogant.

The whole point at the end of the day is to build a community that can work together for Islam, not against it.

"For Muslim men and women,- for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in Charity, for men and women who fast (and deny themselves), for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah’s praise,- for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward."
[Surah Al Ahzab, 33:35]

Wrath Insatiable

2008-10-07T08:26:00.007-04:00

by Ehsun S.

There is a fire, sleeping on the surface of my skin.
Rage consuming me in delight.
I am lost to everything.
Hell is coursing through my veins.

My heart is dry, and mercy is a broken mirror.
Feed me power, and show me fear,
For this is my desire.
Bring it unto me, I will bear this burden.

Make them bend on their knees,
Their faces adorned in tears.
Make them love me, so that I may break them.
They know how they deserve it.

Fire, sleeping on the surface of my skin,
Eating away at my morality.
They have paid no penance for their crimes,
And they give no justification.

Treacherous devils,
Mischief makers who stole of my trust!
Precious power, give me way.
I will have my vengeance!

Give me the chance to save them,
So that I may look in their eyes as they burn away.
Let me be their shining light of hope, so that I may fail them,
Only to watch their faces wither into the belly of misery.

Let their clothes be stripped off them!
As they had stripped away mine!
Let their treachery eat them alive,
Just as it had devoured my heart!

Fire, sleeping on the surface of my skin.
Ebbs away, with the seizing of my body,
And disembarks, through the heated tears on this old face.
My skin is renewed, and my eyes are cool.

I am cleansed, and only half awake.
My own wrath, has exhausted me.
I seek refuge in a greater power.
I am weak.

Heart of hearts, soft as you are, you would know.
Should they suffer, so would I.
Should they need me, I would save them.
Frowning as I do, I would save them.

Vengeance, the sweet smelling fruit,
Of a bitter taste.
The fool that I am, to want for their suffering,
And yet, not want it at all.

Born was I, with skin of steel, and heart of cotton.
And this… is Allah’s doing.
My skin is brittle, and my heart on fire.
This, was Allah’s will.

And Allah forgive them,
They know not, the love that they stole from.
They know not, the friendship they robbed.
Allah forgive them. Allah forgive me.

Don't give up

2008-10-01T00:00:00.008-04:00

Ramadan. The month of mercy from Allah swt, blessings, and spiritual tranquility; forgiveness. It is the month in which all good deeds and worship to Him Most High are multiplied 70 times.

The month in which we reflect upon ourselves, our deeds, control our desires/temptations, and guard our tongues. We abstain from food from sunrise to the sunset; we purify our souls and are devoted to The Most Merciful. Submissive to Allah swt through the day by our fast and prayers, and awake through the night asking Him Most Great for whatever it is we want. Anything.

Ramadan is the only month in the entire year in which the devils are chained up and the doors of

heaven are wide open for those who seek His mercy and forgiveness.

Narrated Abu Horayraah: The Messenger PBUH said:

"When the month of Ramadan starts, the gates of heaven are opened and the gates of Hell are closed and the devils are chained." (Volume 3, Book 31, Number 123)

You have lived through another Ramadan by the will of Allah swt and you have most likely

benefited from it one way or another.

Ramadan gave you a chance to better yourself, to get closer to the Creator. Allah swt says in the

Qu’ran:

“Verily, Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (Ayah 11, surah Al-Raa'ad)

It is your duty to strive in becoming a better Muslim. To push yourself towards the good and

forbid yourself from touching, involving, or committing any evil. Try your best and put your utmost trust in Allah swt.

How can I know if my deeds (fasting, prayers, duas) in Ramadan have been accepted?

If your deeds have been accepted by Allah swt then you will be more obedient to Him swt than

you were before, you will be thankful, you will have an increase in emaan (faith), and therefore be more inclined towards doing righteous actions.

However, keep in mind that emaan fluctuates; its important to strive to keep a balance. Keep

pushing yourself. It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible!

If your deeds were not accepted - Allah swt forbid - then you will not continue praying your

obligatory prayers, you will return to any evil deeds you were committing before Ramadan, you will not fear Allah swt as much as you should or would. Basically, if your fast and prayers were not accepted you would notice it in your actions. Are you closer to Allah swt or not?

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask Allah swt to accept all the good you have done in Ramadan.

Never lose hope in Allah swt. He is always there when we need Him, and we are always in need of Him Al-Mighty.

Just because this blessed month has come to an end does not mean we should stop striving and

worshipping Allah swt as much as we can. Reflect on what has gone by, be thankful for all the good, and ask Allah swt for forgiveness from all evil which you have committed. The best of the believers are not the ones who don't commit any sin, but the ones that may commit sin and turn to Allah swt in repentance. No human is perfect.

The Sahabah radhiyaAllahu ‘Anhum, would pray to Allah swt for six months after Ramadan

asking Him swt to accept their fast and prayers!

The shaytan is back and is ready to take us off the right path. Hold tight to the rope of Allah swt,

don’t give up, and be thankful for living through yet another Ramadan.

Oh Allah, make the good easy for us and help us avoid all evil in situations, grant us success in

this life and the next, increase our knowledge, forgive us for our shortcomings.

Oh Allah let us die in the highest state of emaan, enter us in into the jennah which you have

promised for those who fast, accept our fast, accept our prayers Most Merciful Most Beneficial.

Oh Allah grant us with a chance to live through many more Ramadan’s after this. Forgive us, we

have wronged ourselves.

In closing, do not forget to make dua for the Ummah.

Eid Mubarak everyone.

Introduction of a Nuisance

2008-09-10T19:24:00.004-04:00

Salaam everyone!

I guess I'm going to be posting here alongside with Ehsun. I'll be doing more writing on Islamic topics insha Allah, since Ehsun insists he's bad at them (though I insist that he probably never tried).

I hope you guys enjoy what I write, I don't expect anyone to, but I'll try my best to post enlightening things insha Allah.

A little biography on me:

My name is Aisha Irshad, I'm currently a student at a university in Boston. I've known Ehsun for a while through some MSA events since back in high school. I used to write often for local Islamic newsletters at the masjid and I still do.

I have quite a few hobbies, including reading, skateboarding, many other sports, cooking, backing, photography, math (specifically calculus), interior design, sewing, hiking. Okay, I think that's enough for now. I like to do a lot of things, but don't quite get to do all of them. Alhamdulillah, it's the will of Allah.

What I spend a lot of my time on though, is probably just reading something Islamic. Currently I'm reading a book called the Journey to Allah by Al-Hanbali.

So, that's me in a nutshell. If you guys have any questions, feel free to ask insha Allah. I hope you all like what I put up as posts or articles in the future. I really don't think I'm as wonderful of a writer as Ehsun said, nor am I nearly as knowledgeable. But insha Allah you'll find out soon enough.

Assalaamu Alaikum,
~ Aisha

Back in business... With a partner.

2008-09-05T13:38:00.008-04:00

Yeah so, sorry for the delay. Life has been busy Alhamdulillah and I've had stuff to take care of.
But as promised, I said I'd have something for September, and I do.

First of all, I'm making a change to the blog. You know how it's usually been about poetry, philosophy (once in a while), and rants (at some intellectual level)? Well, I've realized that I need to have more on Islam.

Secondly, how am I going about this? Well I've mentioned before how I'm not the best Islamic writer around. So I got someone to do the job for me. My partner. After a lot of trouble and weeks of harassment, I've finally gotten an old colleague of mine to post on this blog with me. Her name is Aisha. Please welcome her ladies and gentlemen. In my opinion I think she's a wonderful writer, and very knowledgeable about Islam. I hope you all think likewise after reading her stuff insha Allah.
So expect some great stuff from her about once a month.

And I'll still have poetry once in a while, or stories. I'm working on a story at the moment, as well as a poem.

So yeah. Be sure to welcome Aisha.

Brief Silence

2008-08-18T12:51:00.003-04:00

You'll have to excuse me ladies and gentlemen. I know I haven't updated in some time. This is just my life taking a turn. So trust me, come September, I'm making a big change in how this blog runs. Or at least I plan to, if I get what I want.

I'm trying to finish writing something up before the end of August, but we'll see how that goes.

P.S. Four hour long evening classes suck.

Subscription!

2008-06-30T17:53:00.003-04:00

Okay so I got this little thing called a subscription module or something. Actually I don't even know if that's what it's called or not.
Anyways, the point is that now you can just get my new blog entries in an email to you. That way you don't have to keep checking up every single day to see if I wrote something new! Not that I don't like you guys checking this site out everyday, it's just that this might be convenient for some.
It's located on the right side at the very bottom of all those little boxes. So yeah, feel free to subscribe! Hopefully this thing works like I expect it to (I'm testing it out with this post).

The Inconvenient Truth about Truth

2008-06-30T16:51:00.006-04:00

I hate having to hear someone challenging another person into showing proof. I guess it’s okay when the context isn’t very serious (sports, fun, etc), but I hate hearing it for stuff like religion and politics.

The thing about both politics and religion is that everyone thinks they are right, but no one wants to compromise their “right-ness” by being faced with something that they cannot answer to. And I guess that’s why everyone gets emotional about these things. As humans we inherently want to learn the truth and act upon the truth. But ironically, as humans we also tend to get emotional it. It’s as if being “right” was a crown to be worn, or an item with which to display pride.

Without beating around the bush any longer: The truth is not something served to us on a silver platter. Truth does not deliver itself to us. In fact, it’s rather a blessing, a gift. It’s quite arrogant actually for any of us to say “Well prove it to me.” No, go look for the proof yourself if you are so sincere! It is not my duty nor the duty of any other to take you by the hand and forcefully lead you towards the truth when you yourself are so confident that you know the truth already.

I think it’s a pretty obvious show of the lack of sincerity when people have that sort of attitude. It’s annoying as well as disheartening. It’s okay to ask for proof, you’re supposed to ask for it. But don’t do it with an attitude, don’t do it as a challenge. And these days that’s all it ever seems to be, a challenge.

Yes indeed we should help each other in finding the truth. But it’s not right to act arrogant in challenging each other to shows of proof. That kind of an attitude is just a display of one’s lack of sincerity. Sincere people search for the proof and attempt to learn it, whereas the rest of humanity simply sits back and is expected to be shown proof after proof, only to wave it away dismissively and proclaim themselves to know or follow the truth.

It’s not about winning, it’s about learning. People need to understand that. The Truth doesn’t serve itself, Truth is something that is earned through diligence and hard work. Inconvenient as that maybe, it’s the truth.

How to Halaalify Your Flirty Self

2008-05-20T15:32:00.009-04:00

You can't.

Now for the small audience left reading this, congratulations, now you know that you aren’t quite as desperate as you once might have thought.

Today’s discussion boys and girls, is flirting within the Islamic context, and how it should never be done.

Here is something from another blog that I found:
“If you lost anymore weight, you’d have to wear niqaab.” said Muslim Brother to Muslim Sister.
(Link to post: http://perplxintexan.blogspot.com/2008/05/let-me-know-that-ive-done-wrong-when.html)

Is it just me who sees something wrong with this? Please, don’t give me that innocent look and tell me that it was just some naseeha to a fellow sister in Islam. Don’t embarrass yourself, just accept the truth. Mr. Brother-Concerned-For-Sister here tried to pull a move. “I think you should wear niqaab sister, because you’re attractive, and it wouldn’t be good for random Muslim guys to get attracted to you.” Random Muslim guys like who? Like YOU maybe?!
It reminds me of that scene in Zorro, where Antonio Banderas is dressed as a bandit about to steal some horses, and he runs into that lady. “My dear lady, I wouldn’t be out at night so late, there are bandits about!”
Considering the obvious circumstances of that Zorro scenario, it would probably work well as a real life scenario depending on how adventurous the girl is.

But THIS?! “Put on a niqaab, you’re hot.” That’s just wolf in sheep’s clothing.

What the heck is up with guys doing this form of "halaal" flirting?! It's both hilarious and embarassing for me to hear about these scenarios where a Muslim guy hits on another Muslim girl using an islamic context. "If you lost anymore weight, you'd have to wear niqaab."
The fact that he threw a niqaab reference in there does not make the comment any more legit than saying "Woman you've got one fine fat-ass and I wanna smack it."

Well, okay... one is a little worst than other. But still. They're both essentially the same thing.

I read another comment once on a girl's picture on facebook, "Masha Allah, you should be a model."
It's like some of these guys actually took those 10 "Muslim" pick-up lines seriously.

I'd like some of these men humiliated, somehow. I admire to no end a Muslimah who can correctly make some of these guys really awkward when they use these pick up lines. Here are some good responses:

HIM: Masha Allah, you should be a model.
HER: You must be one of those guys who have trouble talking to women…. Masha Allah, of course….. *walk away swiftly and give him a weird look*

HIM: If you were any prettier, I’d tell you to wear niqaab.
HER: If that attempt was any more lame, I’d suggest you tape your mouth with duct tape. *walk away swiftly and give him a weird look*

HIM: Sister, I really think you should wear niqaab.
HER: Ew freak! Stop looking! *walk away swiftly and give him a weird look*

HIM: So what time does a Hur like you have to be back in Jannah?
HER: Same time you have to be back in hell. *walk away swiftly and give him a weird look*

Those are just a few. Ladies, you can get creative with this.

Guys, please, if not for your own self, then at least for my sake, just don’t pull anything like that. There are far more genuine ways to appeal to a woman than cheap one-liners. Well, of course you COULD appeal to some girls with cheap one-liners, but then that’s only the cheap shallow girls. Real men use genuine persona. All the other guys are walking testosterone test tubes.

P.S. Personally though, I've always wanted to try one of these just for the heck of it.

Newness!

2008-04-25T08:17:00.004-04:00

Okay so as you can see, a few things have been changed around. I got a new blog template!
I thought it looked pretty cool, and it was free.
Hope you guys like it. Leave comments or suggestions on the change and let me know what you think.

Oh, by the way, the little player on the side, in case you didn't notice, has a few different songs. Just click next, and you can go to the next track. I have about four on it for now.

Irony's Chaos

2008-04-17T14:42:00.008-04:00

by Ehsun S.

Seeking a lost name,
Hunting for a heart not yours,
Breathing through this nameless other,
Bereft of any sanity.

You're enflamed in anger,
Yet light in laughter.
Hatred consumes you,
But Love still soothes you.

Mother Earth mocks you,
Your own soul pities you.
Even when your power is pure,
Your will is bent.

You are fenced inside your self-conscience,
Inside the black devils paint your heart.
The front of your home is holy,
Yet your bedrooms are desecrated.

Revelling in self-destruction while you seek serenity,
Breathing through this nameless other,
So human of you, so shameless.
You lament to the fates of cruelty, yet it is your own demise.

Blog List!

2008-04-14T14:39:00.004-04:00

Okay so, I've been meaning to do this for a while, but I kept thinking "Oh I'll do it when I get my blog redesigned." But I guess that just keeps getting put off because of normal life keeping me busy. Alhamdulillah.

I know it's been pretty selfish of me not to reference some other bloggers, even though some of you guys reference my blog. But again, I'm really sorry, it wasn't out of any selfish reasons, just that I hadn't had time.

I'm finally doing it now though. I MIGHT forget some people, and if I forget you, please just make a comment and I'll be sure to add you.
Of course, this doesn't mean I'll just reference any blog. I'll probably put up the ones that I find are meaningful or a good read.

So please, don't be shy, or overly modest, just comment on this post, or email me, and I'll add you insha Allah.

"Ugh! Like.. why do Muslim guys only talk with the WHITE girls?!"

2008-03-15T13:52:00.007-04:00

That questions deserves a "if I had a penny for every time someone asked me that..."
Because really, that's a popular question (at least from my experience).

So why do guys never say salaam to the Muslim girls on campus as much? I mean of course there are exceptions, but often a Muslim guy will pretend he didn't even notice the Hijabi that just passed by him. Yet they have no trouble talking to any other girl.

Ladies, rest assured, Muslim men have a pretty good reason for doing this. Please refer to the following conversation I've encountered more than once.

Hijabi: Ehsun, what the hell is wrong with these Muslim guys on campus? They don't even say salaam to a hijabi! But they'll freakin talk to any white chic.
Me: What? Are you jealous?! HAHA! Okay no I'm kidding. Why don't you say salaam instead?
Hijabi: Well... I'm a girl. He'll think I'll like him or something :S
Me: Nah... trust me, guys aren't like that.
Hijabi: Yeah whatever. Besides, some of these guys I'm not even sure are Muslim. But if they are, they should let it show by saying salaam at least.

*2 weeks later*

Hijabi: OMG! HELP ME! Tell me, how do I get rid of a stalker?! QUICK! :S
Me: What?! What are you talking about? Slow down...
Hijabi: There's this guy! He STALKS me! :S I see him all the time!
Me: Uh... Well... how do you know he's stalking you?
Hijabi: UGH! He says "salaam" to me like THREE times EVERYDAY!
Me: That's just his duty as a Muslim, to say salaam to another Muslim that he sees... there's nothing wrong with that.
Hijabi: OMG! He's probably a FOB! He probably wants to marry me or something! :S Okay, I know what I'll do. I won't respond back to his salaams!

And trust me when I say, no guy ever wants to be thought of as a "stalker". Seriously. The self-flattery of some girls is remarkable in such scenarios. I mean woman, you WISH every guy in the world was out to try to get married to you. Just because a guy says salaam to a girl means nothing. It's just common courtesy. Muslim men see that as a form of giving respect to a fellow Muslim sister who covers herself properly.

So hopefully this message serves a purpose for the ladies.
As for the gentlemen among the readers, I don't think that this sort of a scenario should deter any Muslim man to say salaam. It actually IS the duty of a Muslim to say salaam to another fellow Muslim. And besides, it's not like EVERY hijabi thinks like that.

On another note, some hijabi on my campus seems to avoid me like the plague. It's really funny. I wonder if she thinks I'm her stalker too.

Longing for a Lady

2008-02-09T18:27:00.003-05:00

by Ehsun S.

Darkness beheld,
And light unfathomed.
A piece of sour,
The taste of poison.

A trickle of blood,
Heavy with passion.
Relentlessly red,
Dangerously calm.

A drop of enchantment,
Pinch of seduction.
Ecstasy in her touch,
Heaven in her scent.

Soul of purity,
Elegance of surreality.
Daytime her throne,
And nighttime her garden.

Moon on her neck,
The stars in her hands.
Sought and forgotten,
The night her only veil.

Beauty personified,
My desire redefined.
Longing chains me,
Till death and resurrection,
My longing chains me.

Gym With the White and Nerdy

2008-01-15T12:18:00.001-05:00

Among the requirements set by my university, the gym class requirement has got to be the most retarded one. We're supposed to take a minimum of 4 gym classes to graduate; each gym class is held two hours a week.

Question: Why?!
Answer: So the geek students (90% of the student population) become well rounded, and can play sports, as well as being able to compute integrals in their heads.

Please, get real. Giving a geek two hours of gym a week isn't going to get him in shape at all. If he doesn't want to work out, he's not going to.

Now the real problem that stems from this is the result of this requirement: unmotivated individuals who don't like to move in a gym class. I'm taking volleyball this term, and it's pathetic. My thought process is, "Hey, since I have to be here, I might as well try to do my best." Unfortunately, others are not as rational. Actually, between a serve, one guy today tried to explain the trajectory of a volleyball using physics terms. The rest of the game he stood in one spot, and threw his arm up every time the ball came towards him. Dude, this doesn't make you cool. Your lack of initiative does not turn you into a "gangsta". Please TRY to hit the ball to my side, so I can have something to do! It's getting boring like this!
It was like the scenario where all the bad-ass kids in high school would make no effort in math class, but would excel in gym class. This was just the other way around.

It was a similar story with this one indian girl, and another 4 foot girl. Their objective of the course must have been to look cute, cause every time the ball came to them, they would cover their heads and squeal, then giggle later and say "Ooops, that was for me wasn't it? Teehee."
No, no, please continue to protect yourself from a foam-stuffed volleyball! I bet someone will ask you out for a date by the end of the class if you keep it up!

Anyways, I'm off to my badminton class. I'll probably see at least one girl protecting her oh-so-cute self from the birdies that come her way. "Save me!" Oh yes princess. I'll save you, just one last volley coming your way (and I can't help myself, this one really WILL hurt).

Eternal Promise

2008-01-09T09:41:00.002-05:00

by Ehsun S.

I cry tears of sand,
Like a desert mourns for rain,
And like the desert, my tears are dry with sin,
And I cry, "I am the son of Adam, and my sins have reached the skies!"

I lie here in my impurity,
And with shame I beg for the rain.
I lay suffocating in sin,
And ask for the soft gray skies of mercy.

I invoke a sacred promise,
Made to me before my birth.
And as another grain of sand escapes my eye,
I proclaim, "My sins have reached your heavens, Ya Rabb!"

An ancient promise, held true for time eternal,
"Even if your sins were to reach the heavens,
I would still forgive them."
My Allah knows... Am I purified?

Art of Apology

2007-11-30T10:15:00.000-05:00

Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on your perception), this post will have more unanswered questions than statements.

Let me begin by stating that most human emotional expressions are unique and individual to the emotion they result from. For example, when people are sad, they cry. When they are angry, they yell or scream or become violent. When they love, they show tenderness and compassion.

But what about regret? What expression would be unique to regret, or is there any unique expression for it at all? When people are regretful of an action that has wronged someone else, how do they show it? How should they show it?

People often forgive easily, when the offender says "sorry". But is it true forgiveness? How often is it that one says "sorry", and the other accepts the apology and says they forgive them, yet in their heart hold a grudge? "Sorry" is just a word, how can it so easily encompass the true feeling of regret?

Yeah, a lot of questions. So let me say what I have thought so far of regret.

If "sorry" was enough to erase the wrong you do to a person, then the sentence "I love you" would be enough for people to express love, and "I am angry" would be enough to express anger, and similarly for being sad. But that isn't true, is it? If you really love someone, you can't express love through three words, that doesn't work.
So if someone feels true regret, a simple "I'm so sorry" would never truly embody the feeling, and it wouldn't be deserving of forgiveness.

So once we reach that conclusion, we have to ask ourselves, what really does embody regret? What would show regret, the way tears show sorrow? Tears can be one way. A significant action fixing a mistake made can be another way. And we can keep coming up with other ways that can embody the feeling of regret. That's the complication... that regret can uniquely be shown through many ways depending on the scenario. It's not as simple as showing other emotions.

But what I really mean to point out in conclusion, is that regret is quite possibly one of the most difficult emotions to express. Showing regret, is like proving an apology, the way one would prove his/her love for someone else, only harder.

Blackheart Impassioned

2007-11-01T15:13:00.002-04:00

by Ehsun S.

Tainted soul! Weep in your misery,
Weep till the red sands would hold not your tears,
Weep till the world is at its end,
And Hell at your heels.

Love is not your realm, nor its indifference.
Suffer till darkness swallows you with greed.
Foul creature! Burn till your senses are smothered in pain.
Burn till your flames inspire fear in the jinn.

Run you coward! As if furious angels came to take you.
Run, as if Hell had outstretched its arms for you.
Wretched heart, hide under your blanket of white-light,
Till Allah should diminish you to ashes.

The ones you love will leave you,
The ones you hate will hurt you.
You will destroy yourself in your idleness,
With neither Hate nor Love to feel.

Undeserving fool! Feel the wrath of solitude,
Not able to cast yourself to death,
Bear this torture till time unending,
Till the book of Qadr calls your name.

Pride is your mistress, and love is your marriage,
Dejected Lover! Swallow this mouthful of poison,
Drink down the fate of your victims,
Till you are left to pour your blood at your feet.

Impassioned fiend! Black hearted and impure,
Your love is a poison, and your tongue is forked.
May my heart be purified from you,
For you taint my love, and twist my compassion.

Recognizing Faults

2007-10-23T14:30:00.000-04:00

It is absolutely vital for a human being to know his/her faults. to know one's faults is to hold the key to self-empowerment. There are two ways in which a human being can better him/herself.

The first is being subject to harsh social conditions that force a person to change. For example, say a person couldn't stick up for themselves; if they got hit, they would not hit back, if they were insulted, they would say nothing back. This could be changed by perhaps putting that person in a harsh environment, where he/she is constantly picked upon, thereby giving that person a repeated opportunity to stick up for them self. Eventually, that person will try to seek a way to better his condition, and he would have to try to stick up for himself. Obviously, this method of change is certainly not attractive, although after undergoing this treatment, the person wouldn't regret his improved self.

The second way is by simply recognizing and mentally treating those faults. This however, is not without complexity. To know a fault, you must see yourself as you really are to the rest of the world. Definitely not an easy task. Yes, you COULD ask others how you are seen. But that's a naive solution, considering that no one could really give you the image of yourself with words. You have to see it for yourself. Other people will not always give you a complete or honest answer. Some of those people will not have an answer. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't consider their opinions about you, it means you shouldn't take their word for it. So in reality, there is really only one way to discover one's faults; through an analysis of one's own reactions to situations, and envisionment of one's self. Perhaps replay a moment in time, re envision the facial expressions, what was said and felt. Piecing everything together will reveal faults, just like seeing faults in someone esle (and don't we always?).
An honest analysis of emotions is also very important. That can be particularly difficult. Especially when one's fault is to not honestly asses one's emotions.

Two Kinds of Hypocrisies

2007-09-24T08:14:00.000-04:00

This might be a bit obvious to some of you, or even most of you, but I've only realized this recently.

There are two kinds of hypocrisies, one of which I think is ok, and the other which is dishonorable and wrong.

1. Preaching of what one does not believe.
How can you tell someone else to believe something that you yourself do not believe? It just doesn't make sense at all, and to prove that it is wrong, one would have to look into basic anthropological concepts.

2. Preaching of what one does not practice, but does believe in.
This is something that makes sense. A man who does not make prayers, and recognizes this as a flaw in himself, can tell others to pray. This is because he believes it to be true, and therefore is only giving advice to another person. Advice is never bad. Even the devil once uttered a truth, but I do not recall the specific hadith.

EDIT: Hadith found thank to one of the comments! Thanks Paradise.

Narrated Muhammad bin Sirin: Abu Huraira said, "Allah's Apostle put me in charge of the Zakat of Ramadan (i.e. Zakat-ul-Fitr). Someone came to me and started scooping some of the foodstuff of (Zakat) with both hands. I caught him and told him that I would take him to Allah's Apostle." Then Abu Huraira told the whole narration and added "He (i.e. the thief) said, 'Whenever you go to your bed, recite the verse of "Al-Kursi" (2.255) for then a guardian from Allah will be guarding you, and Satan will not approach you till dawn.' " On that the Prophet said, "He told you the truth, though he is a liar, and he (the thief) himself was the Satan." (Sahih Al-Burhari Vol 4 No.495)

Male and Female Flowers

2007-08-30T08:29:00.001-04:00

So an old school mate of mine had posted on her blog an analogy of today's relationships of males and females. It was pretty interesting, but I disagreed with it pretty strongly. The blog is private unfortunately, so with permission I paste the blog entry here.

Another men-women metaphor in the form of flowers! Not mine, but interesting nevertheless.

"All roses have weeds around them. Weeds stifle growth and suffocate flowers. Flowers are taught to think only other flowers can free them from this suffocation.

Males flowers are taught that they will feel better if they cut down the weeds of female flowers to protect them. They practice by hurting other male flowers. This also allows them to show their strength to female flowers. In time, he becomes aggressive having to fight weeds that keep sprouting. When he gets tired, the female flowers weeds suffocate him as well.Female flowers are taught that they have no reason to grow strong and should just bend and encourage the strongest male so that he can cut the weeds around her. If he does, she gives in to him and he continues to protect her. She remains weak ad submissive, only nurturing her male for the battles he fights for her sake.In sum, neither face their own weeds Neither of them have to attack their own weeds, the toughest ones of all. Nor do they attack other people's weeds, but sometimes help plant new weends to make his/her partner seem the better of them all. This becomes a habit implated in their nature and they behave accordingly. The male tries to make the female more helpless while the female will support the male's weeds, making her helplessness more attractive.

Female flowers who think they can live on by their own strength cut down their own weeds, grow strong by doing so, and don't need the male's strength. Male flowers who think they can find satisfaction without having to cut down the female's weeds, and tend to their own weeds instead, grow strong.

At they grow strong, their stems get stronger and they expand. They can cut down weeds easier. Naturally, other flowers ask the strong flowers help to cut down the weak flowers' weeds, but the strong flowers only teach them how to cut down their own weeds. The male flower should ask himself, do I feel strong by conquering a female and cut her weeds? The female flower should ask herself, do I want to feel protected by a male flower who can not even protect himself? Or should I protect myself?In the case of the strong flowers, the relationship if more equal and complimentary. Both rely on him/herself to deal with their weeds, and their union increases their strength in fighting the weeds. Also, they grow stronger if they have no weeds between them, and might even join."

As Robert Frost said, you can only ride a metaphor so far before it breaks down. This metaphor can not apply to everyone. It makes sense though. If the weeds here stand for insecurities and threats to a stable and secure self, then I think a lot of people follow this path. They don't tend to their own insecurities and wait for or attempt less productive ways to secure themselves. This goes for both males and females.

I am not exempt from this either. Although I was more active in battling my insecurities than other females, I was still waiting for my parents, friends, "the one", or time to take care of them for me (I wasn't even aware that weeds were weeds, but that's another story.) Reading Sean Coveys 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens showed me what I was doing by pointing out the differences between being "active" and "reactive". Someone once told me something along the lines of this metaphor. He said, "Every girl waits for a Prince Charming." (Never told us what every guy was doing though). It made me wonder whether I was slaying my own dragons or just hiding until someone slayed (slew?) them for me. From then on, I decided to be my own knight in shining armor, tackling my problems head on. It took time, and I don't think I'm quite there yet, but I've got enough self-awareness to help me through.

Ok so... in my opinion, this analogy is severely outdated. It speaks of a chivalry long dead, of back in he day when knights would kill and conquer to obtain the love of a princess. Puh-lease. In the words of Dave Chapelle, "Chivalry is dead, and women killed it." It's cause women have decided what men want, what they are, how they behave, etc... really, just pick up a women's magazine, "101 ways to please a man." I mean really, that's just great, paint us all with the same brush, cause all men are the same, and that list of 101 one things to do will work on every single guy.

But don't get me wrong, I don't regret chivalry being dead, at least not the one with the knight going to great lengths to win a woman. Here is the new analogy:

Female flowers don't want the men to cut down the weeds surrounding them, if they do, it angers the female flower. Only she should be allowed to cut the weeds. Some weeds she is proud of keeping, and others she will eliminate. A female-flower basks in the sunlight and awaits for a male-flower to gawk at her. At that point the male-flower is expected to grow closer to the female-flower and entangle himself in the weeds surrounding the female flower, the ones she let grow.

Male-flowers are rarely approached by female-flowers. When they are, the female-flower freely cuts down any weeds she finds close to her, and leaves the ones that don't bother her. The male-flower continues gawking at the female-flower. However, the male-flower cannot allow the female-flower to cut his weeds if another male-flower is present.

The analogy explains the modern woman's tendency to not be "controlled". Women don't want to change for a man they like/love, they want the man to change. If the opposite is suggested (that the woman should change), then it constitutes a serious breach of a woman's dignity, and is highly offensive. Women expect to be able to change a man the way they want, that is their god-given right as a woman.
Modern men are weak, so they change as they are forced to change, without much thought, but they have an ego, and they won't be bossed around by women around other men.

Both her analogy (the one of the past), and my analogy (the one of today), is seriously messed up.

In the old one, men shouldn't have to do anything great or big for a woman, nor should a woman have to do anything great or big for a man. Love should be based on personality, not who is the strongest. Women are human beings, not trophies, nor expensive jewels. The reason chivalry is so attractive to a woman is simply because women have a stronger desire for attention and they feel that the man who does the most for her loves her the best. HIGHLY superficial.

Second analogy, the modern day. Social norms tend to push women to want big breasts, a big butt, and to show as much skin as possible (weather permitting). I'm sure you've seen girls wearing short skirts even in the winter time. They show whatever they can show without killing themselves. They want to be looked at, they want a guy to say to them (in the right way, at the right time), "daaymmnnn baby, that is one fiiiinneee lookin ass you got right there!!!" The white girls, they cover themselves up with fake tans that make their skin look disgusting. The dark skinned girls in india put large amounts of white powder on themselves that make them look pale and sickly. If they have black hair, they make it blonde. If they have blonde hair, they make it black. they get contacts to change their eye color, they have their push up bras. When they're twelve years old and have A-cups they stuff their bras with tissue. If they have D-Cups, they flatter themselves, but secretly hate having to lug them around.

I could go on forever but I think I might be beginning to cross a line here. Anyways, my point is that it's all so superficial today. It's not about cutting the weeds anymore, it's about becoming pretty and gawk-worthy, if I may use the made up word.
And then to add to the problem, both sides have severe cases of ego. They have large unnecessary barriers cast, which is understandable because they aren't sure how dedicated the other person is.

In the end, seriously, you gotta love being Muslim.

Physical Beauty and the Geek

2007-08-27T13:07:00.000-04:00

I just had to note how funny I found it when I went to the gym after doing calculations on the Resonance Frequency of an RF circuit. I went in and set my 40 pound bag, along with the extra 10 pound book in my hands (I couldn't fit it in the bag), and then went to lifting weights. For the love of God, I was on campus on a Sunday! Engineers excercise the mind all day, but that more or less results in a very harmful neglect of the body. It's no wonder 97% of the
electrical engineering population is either:
1) Severely skinny.
2) Grossly overweight.
3) Really weak.
4) Unable to converse about much other than Engineer-related topics.
5) Male.

Ok, in the defense of my gender, it's actually only 90% males in the Electrical Engineering department.
I'm struggling here just to be part of the 3% exception that can actually do 20 push ups without a sweat.

Oh, and let's not forget the extremely rare occasion, where there is actually a pretty girl in Electrical Engineering. And when I mean pretty, I don't mean just facially, I mean... all over. Yeah.

Now those girls not only ARE pretty, but they know it. And not only do they KNOW it, they flaunt it. Nothing is more annoying, and obnoxious, than a girl with a small waist and a big butt wearing skin tight clothing, and walking around while you're trying to do your stupid RF circuit analysis. Not that the sight that DISTRACTS me, but eventually it gets pretty disgusting. I mean you can only look at something like that for so long before you realize how disgusting someone's butt can be. Yes, even if it's a girl.

Ok don't get me wrong, it's not like I stare at her (I swear, I really don't, but my friends sure do), but I'm just making a point. I'm sitting there thinking "Oh please, STOP walking! It JIGGLES for God's sake!!" No, it's not attractive at all, it's really disgusting. I swear. I want to lift my head up to check the clock on the wall, and there she is walking around the tables. Doesn't all that walking ever take some fat off of her butt?! Aiee! It's disgusting.

Kids, when you grow up, cover your butts.
Yeah. I said it. Cover, please.

Mirror

2007-08-23T13:53:00.000-04:00

I find myself wishing in a frenzy that Allah had made a mirror for the soul and mind and heart. So that I may judge my faults and my lackings for myself. So that I could see the evil in me, a view from the outside. But the only mirrors in the world are for the superficial self.

How can one judge their internal being? Am I really as bad as some say? Am I really as likable or amiable as others may say? We're left to rely on the words of others, to know what we seem like to the rest of the world. And everyone has a different idea of you. It's difficult, and takes a good deal of meditation and thinking to know figure out for yourself how exactly you are viewed as to the rest of the world.

Lament of Innocence

2007-06-25T11:06:00.001-04:00

by Ehsun S.

Find me dwelling in this deepness,
Among the trenches of my heart,
Care, Passion, Love, Depression,
Trace me back to where I start.

Seek me in this barren land,
A world that's set ablaze,
In the center lies a garden,
Hunt me in this maze.

Save me from my infernal complex,
This demon tears me from inside,
Rage, Fear, Anger, Hatred,
Protect me from what I hide.

Watch me drowning my emotion,
With iron hands that feel no pain,
Love looks upon me in sympathy,
Sorrow treats me with disdain.

Yet my emotions return renewed,
To pain me in soft silence,
Alas! My hour has come to bleed,
Hear me! My Lament of Innocence!

An Excerpt, of a Feeling

2007-05-25T12:59:00.001-04:00

The following doesn't have to do with me. It's really just a thought based on relationships and bonding. It has a meaning to it, and more than one.

----

Somwhere in your world, you have bled me. But you do not know this. Somewhere you have torn my soul and burnt it; piece by piece. But you never knew. Somewhere in your world you have mixed me with the sands and forgotten me. But you do not know it. Somehwere you have drawn a boundary, and it suffocates me. No, you don't know that.

And even if you did, you would not, could not, help it.

Yet here I am in front of you, whole. And you stroke my face and ask me, "My Love, have I upset you?" But to tell you, would be to feed you the bitter spoon of guilt. I dare not. You love me too much. I love you too much. So my tongue gives way to the first lie between us, "No my Love, that could not be. You only make me happy." And I know how guilt would make you mourn tears of fire. The burden of your single teardrop, is the weight of a thousand worlds. So spare me but this one lie my Love, else my heart would shatter under your tears.

Dancing Muse

2007-04-20T13:12:00.001-04:00

by Ehsun S.

Three night I have thus spent.
My dancing muse is lost in the depths of my existence.
The silky gesture of her inspiration,
Is lost to me within myself.

So seductive was her dance, as her silver body moved,
From one corner of my mind to another.
But she has followed the dark road to my heart,
And has become lost on the way.

Her entrancing caress, no more can I feel.
Her intoxicating scent, no longer a luxury I possess.
If only my carefree dancer would return to me,
So that I may think in comfort.

I pray for the return of my inspiration,
She was after all, my only listener.
My silly silver dancer, my dancing muse.
So need I am for her.

She must be running somewhere,
Riding the currents of my blood.
She may be sleeping also,
Among my thinking of the past.

I am robbed of sleep without her,
For I sleep not without my thoughts,
Three nights have I spent in dullness,
Three nights in danceless silence.

I pray my dancing muse returns,
So I may spend my nights in peace.
I need my silent dancer back,
So I may recede into the elysium of thought.

Three Kinds of Smart

2007-04-13T00:57:00.000-04:00

One night I was lying around thinking, like I usually do, and at about 2:00am, I somehow decided that there are three different kinds of "smart."

There's Book-smart, Street-smart, and a third type, Intuitive-smart.

The book-smart are based on pure intelligence. They cannot see things the way the street or intuitive-smart see. They understand very little of complex social dynamics. In fact, everything has to be understood before validated, and everything can be explained. They are not as attached to emotions, and not understanding of complex emotions. Although they are generally more in control with their emotions, they cannot feel as much empathy for those undergoing strong emotions.

The street-smart are based on instincts. For every action there is a reaction. The street-smart react... and fast. They don't understand everything, and can explain very little of their reactions. They learn through experience and develop instincts based on experience. They do not see things as the book-smart or intuitive-smart see.

The intuitive-smart are different. They can see things easily from a different perspective, when they excercise a significant amount of self-control. They can see things from the point of view of the book-smart and the street-smart. They are not as quick in reaction though, like the street-smart, nor are they as simple and straight like the book-smart. The intuititive-smart undertand complex social dynamics, and can explain them. Their actions are a mix of intelligence, instinct, and emotion. The intuititive-smart generally have stronger emotions, and yet they are understanding of feelings and emotions.

What is wrong with this World?!

2007-03-26T13:40:00.000-04:00

Yeah, what a cliché question, you just gotta love it. It’s rhetorical, it never requires an answer, and when answered, it’s usually “I know!” or some sort of agreeing rant/conversation. The perfect question for unhappy people.

Quite predictably, I’m not very happy right now, and let me tell you why.

Recently, I’ve been given a 7 week long project. The details of the project are unnecessary, but what you should know is that I need to make a device that vibrates (like a cell phone). So as an electrical engineer, I have to find what part I need to make device vibrate. Like all naïve college students, I consult Google, instead of Digikey or Mouser Electronics (electronics parts websites). So I google the word “vibrators”, and what do I get? Well…. Better than me telling you, why don’t you try? …………. Yeah see it? Sex toys. All over the god damn place. By the way, if you don’t know what a vibrator has to do with a sex toy, please don’t read the rest of this (and certainly don’t tell your parents you read this). Well, I’m slightly amused (I’m young and I go to college, what do you expect?), and I’m slightly frustrated (how the hell do I get a vibrating device without having to take apart a sex toy?!).

So then I do what I usually do when I hit a road block; I talk to one of my professors. And certainly I go to one of the instructors, and ask, “I need to somehow make my device vibrate, what component would I use? Is there a standard name for it?” The answer: “I don’t know if it has a special name, it’s just a motor with an off-balance weight.” The professors kindly tells me he will look for me to see if he can find anything (my professors are awesome, and they just love me). So I’m sitting in class, and I see the professor walk over to me with a piece of paper in his hand. Now I’m excited, he seems to have gotten better results than I did. So he comes up to me, and hands me the paper while saying, “Well, I didn’t quite get what you were looking for, but here are a few uses for vibrating motors that even I never thought of.” And he walks off chuckling. I look down at the paper, and what do you know, it’s a short overview of the different types of vibrating sex toys. I can’t help but laugh. Can you blame me? My professor just handed me a paper on sex toys.

I lose hope, I don’t know what to do. I ask a few friends, tell them my story, and after a few laughs, the best answer I get is, “It’s just an off-balance motor, you can build it in the lab easy.” Great.

Just then, and idea strikes me (a very simple one, but effective). I go back on google, and search “cell phone vibrators”. I know it should work then, I mean how can you associate sex toys with cell phones? The result: a bunch of articles on the new development of using cell phones as sex toys. Apparently, you install this new software on your phone that makes it vibrate for a long time. …You have GOT to be kidding me.

http://www.wired.com/news/business/0,1367,58442,00.html

"This girl in the pub grabbed my phone, put it down her front pocket and wouldn't give it back to me until the batteries had run down," Walsh said. "It's the only confirmed use I know of. She had a very pleasant time."

This was absolutely ridiculous. I just want a simple vibrator, but google is full of sex and sex toys. Just my luck. Well, I spend another three hours searching, and finally I hit up on ONE thing. Just ONE vibrating motor on sale for 2.95.

So indeed I ask, what is wrong with the world?

WHAT has that world come to?!

Intellect and Heart

2007-03-16T16:01:00.000-04:00

Intellect one day said to the heart:
"I am a guide to those who have gone astray

Though bound to earth, I reach the heaven above
Just see how far reaching is my sway

I am cast in the mould of the legendary Khizr [1]
I am destined in the world to show the way

I am the interpreter of the book of life
I am an attribute of divine display

You are only a drop of blood
I am the envy of ruby's ray"

"This is all true", replied the heart
"But look at me, be as it may

You look at life's trauma and drama
I see through life's white and gray

You deal with outer manifestations
And I am aware of the inner fray

Knowledge is to you, intuition to me
You seek God, I show how to pray

Limit of wisdom is restless doubting
I am cure for the malady of dismay

You are a lantern to illuminate a spot
I am a lamp to illimunate the path

You deal with time and space
I deal with Judgment Day

To what lofty place do I belong?
I am the pedestal of God Almighty, I say."

-Muhammad Iqbal (1877-1938), Poet of the East,
Aql or Dil (Intellect and heart)

Notes[1] Khizr is the Urdu/Persian rendering of the mysterious and legendary Qur'anic figure of al-Khadir, the one who is said to have encountered the Prophet Moses (p).

Euthanasia

2007-03-06T14:01:00.000-05:00

Run.
I can't.
Why?
It's captivating.
Is this what you sought?
Yes.
Then take it.
I can't, My ego holds me back.
Kill it.
I can't, Pity stays my hands.
So then cry.
I can't, It's taken all my tears.
What will you do?
I don't know. I will stay here, near it.
For how long?
Until it releases me.
What name will you give it?
Emotion.

Ok, so I tried to be like Khayyam

2007-02-26T08:46:00.000-05:00

I tried to write like him I mean. Of course I wrote in English rather than Farsi (I don't know Farsi), but yes, to my embarassment, I tried. The thing is, I realized the thing about simple Quatrains is, that you can write them as a thought whenever it pops into your head, so that's how I got started, by writing simple four lines for each thought I had. You are free to make fun of me, here they are, cheap imitations:

--------
The opium of my soul,
Is not a Love, nor is it a drink,
It is not illusion, or any intoxicant,
It is understanding.
--------
Say to the praisers that Allah alone is praiseworthy,
In the face of your enemies, giggle carelessly,
For in this long life, it matters not the words of friends or enemies,
But the word of Allah alone.
--------
Ego is the best antidote to the intoxication of wisdom,
If indeed you are a true student of knowledge,
Then make the cup of ego unlawful upon yourself,
Sit by me, so that I may offer you the intoxication of humility.

Love me in Black

2007-02-21T08:43:00.001-05:00

by Ehsun S.

If I am to be Loved,
Then Love me as something dark,
Something hidden and enshrouded in mystery,
Love me with wonder and take from me my thoughts.

Read me, talk to me,
Feel my complications and learn me,
Bathe me in your emotions, as you bathe in my thoughts,
Do not let go of me.

If and when you Love me,
Do not do so with compassion,
Love me with a silent rage,
Do not hesitate.

Hold nothing back,
Pour forth to me everything you are,
Like a waterfall; I will bear it, I promise,
Do not fear me, or yourself.

I am one half of you and you are one half of me,
I am everything you ever wanted to know.
Plunge deep into me and learn of me what you will,
Resurface from my internal complex, and whisper to me what I am, for I do not know.

I am the only contradiction that was given life,
I am the only illusion that is real,
If in Love lies darkness,
Then I am the only Love that ever existed.

If and when you Love me,
Poison me with emotion,
Do not Love me softly, do not bore me,
Love me as if to kill me.

Devour me into your understanding,
Speak to me with fiery eyes,
And listen with your touch,
Spare not a grain of my being from the wrath of your Love.

Darkness hides the greatest secrets,
Find me there against your solitude,
You may hunt me by day, but I am the Prince of Night.
If ever you Love me, Love me in Black.

The Career Fair

2007-02-16T13:41:00.000-05:00

Ok, so for most of you, this will be just about the most boring blog entry that you will ever read by me. And that's because I want to rant about something that probably has no relevance to your life whatsoever, but it has a ton of relevance to my life.

What is it about? It's about employers. Employers at this so-called Fair of the Careers. (Hardly any fun, by the way).

So I wake up early morning, 6 am, trim my beard real close, and leave a little extra on the chin to complement it. I have to get my nice Perry Ellis formal pants on. I'm debating between my baby blue Calvin Klein shirt with cuff-links, or my white, cotton Perry Ellis (also with cuff-links). Now the Calvin Klein looks way better, but I wear the Perry Ellis, it's a nicer fit. And I need that extra comfortability to be able to talk with prospective employers better. Of course I add my not-so-nice Alfani belt (my Kenneth Cole broke). I make sure I look perfect, I even put gel in my hair, something I don't even do for Eid. I put on Lacoste cologne. And I have my look, my smell, even the touch of the clothes is exceptional. Oh, I forgot the shoes. Kenneth Cole Reaction, beautifully Italian. At the end of the dressing, I can't remember the last time I appreciated a mirror more.

And now, I walk out the door. In my bag, I have 20 copies of my newly updated resume, which now looks gorgeous. Everything is tuned to the very edge. Get to campus, go to the big hall located at the student center, and there you have it: about 50 tables set up. Recruiters for the company are found excitedly chatting to students interested in their company. The student hands in his/her resume, shakes hands, and walks off with the recruiter's business card. Everyone was dressed well, but no one was better than me (if I do say so myself).

Now I'm not exactly the smoothest talker when it comes to talking to employers. I get nervous, sweaty hands, I'm too worried about making the perfect impression. The resume isn't enough, I AM half of the resume. At first I just prowl my ways through the crowds, which employer is here, who do I want to check out? It's like trying to find a girl for a date, except the girl isn't human, it's money. And I want money.

So anyways. I spot my first target. EMC Corporation. "Hey, how's it going?" I say to the recruiter. Now the next few words is a jumble between me and the recruiter, I'm trying to say what my name is, what my major is, and in between my pauses, he's trying to say his name. I don't think either of us figured out who the other was. Boy do I suck. The word-stumblement ends, and then I say, "So... are you guys looking for any summer interns?" And then my suconscious wants to hit me. I wasn't supposed to say THAT! I was supposed to say, "So... are you guys looking to hire any summer interns?" Gosh, I hate myself.
Employer: "Well, yeah... actually we're looking for software engineers."
Great. This guy didn't even hear what my major was. Ok, go into back up mode.
Me: "Oh, well, most of my coursework is in Electrical Engineering, but I do have some experience in C++ and using Visual Studio. Are you guys looking for anything like that?"
Employer: "Ok, well... let me have a look at your resume, do you have a copy?"
Do I EVER! YESSS!! Ok so this is what I wanted. To give him my resume, make myself look like a reasonably sane and pleasant person (can't say how that went), and to let myself be known. Ok, moving on to the next employer.

And so it goes on. Sometimes you just get rejected pretty much, "Oh no, we aren't hiring Electrical Engineers, we pretty much only deal with Chemical and Civil Engineers." I got a few of, "Oh we're only hiring full-time positions, we don't have any summer internship positions, sorry." That sucks.

For some reason, the companies working for the Department of Defense are all so much more excited looking than the normal companies like EMC and Analog Devices. Freaky. And you always need a U.S Citizenship. Lucky for me, I fit the bill, and without any extra effort.

End of the day, I handed out about 10 resumes, attempted a total of 15 companies, and got several business cards. I plan to email and harass every one of them. If you translate what I'm going to say from the formal to speech to normal speech, it would more or less come down to: "OMGOMG! DID YOU LOOK AT MY RESUME?! PLEEEAASSSEEE GIVE ME AN INTERVIEW!!! AARRGGHHH!! OMG! ILL DIE IF YOU DONT GIVE ME AN INTERVIEW!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!"

Of course it will be longer, and without all the caps, along with other appropriate adjustments, but that's the gist of it. (Is that how you spell 'gist'? Or is it 'jist'? Who cares? You get the gist of what I'm trying to say.)

So yeah. I eventually walk out of there, with a whole bunch of brochures and catalogs in my hand. Not to mention the various give-aways they had on the tables, such as pens, and a very cool sample of fiberoptic glass. I also got a very cool looking gadget from IBM, that im supposed to put into water. I have no idea wat it does, but it's got a lot of circuitry inside. Water and circuitry? Well it's gotta be good.

Here's my problem with these employers though. They look SO darn optimistic when taking your resume, they smile, shake hands with you, tell you they have oppurtunities. Then they take your resume, and put it in a pile of a hundred other resumes. Chances of you hearing back from them: 0.05% (unless you have a GPA of 4.0). You can increase this chance by 5% if you send them a harassing email with another copy of your resume attached.

Ah well. Cruel, cruel world.

I put all the stuff in my bag, and walk away, hoping with all my heart, that there is someone out there who is soft and considerate enough to hire someone like me, an Electrical Engineer with a 3.2 GPA.

Dream of a Painter

2007-02-11T00:19:00.000-05:00

This is a dream I had, and copied it down quickly so i wouldnt forget. It was a strange dream I suppose.
What I wrote came out strange too, and i thought it may be worthy of posting.

-------

I was supposed to pick her up at South Station. Took my minivan. I parked at Newbury Street for some reason. She was coming back from Philly. I left the car. Men in suits started chasing me. Assasins. I started running, avoiding them. I reached South Station, and the assasins dissappeared. The train from Philly had arrived. She came out, beautiful. She was dressed very richly, sunglasses. She was smilling, we said hi, and started to casually talk. "How was Philly?" Things like that. I carried her suitcase, heavy. We walked out of the station. And the conversation led her to a question: "You asked me something before Thanksgiving, on Tuesday, in front of the library. I forgot what it was you asked. What was it?" Sad feelings rushed over me. She had this knowing smile. I was very sad. "You know what I asked, and you didnt answer. Why didnt you answer?" She started going into some awkward explanation about her friends, her father, and how he wanted to see her friends. I interrupted her, "Why didnt you just say 'No'?" It started to rain. We walked back into the station. She was still smiling. And she was going back to Philly. I had come to drop her off. We started to talk casually, "Have fun in Philly." Things like that. As if we never had our conversation. I was extremely sad though. It felt as if she was leaving forever. Maybe she was. I stole some of her artwork from her suitcase. So that maybe I could have something to remember her with. She took her luggage and started to walk towards the train. And as she dissappeared with one last smile and wave, the assasins returned, and I ran. I woke up, half-expecting to see her artwork hanging on my wall.

Unrealizable

2007-02-08T08:45:00.002-05:00

by Ehsun S.

It was going to be a fancy dinner, in a big hall, packed with about a hundred people. Everyone was just talking for now, enjoying their light appetizers. I didn’t speak much, the topics that the other girls on my table were discussing weren’t really to my taste. What some girl wore on her engagement that had happened three months ago just didn’t seem like much of a discussion to me; especially when the topic had already spanned for over a half hour. Or maybe that was because I had gotten married recently. For now I decided that I’d just watch the entrance doors, to see if I could recognize any of the still arriving crowd. It was too bad Kowthar was sitting a few tables away; too many for me to inconspicuously hop over to. I didn’t know her that well, but whenever we talked, it was at least something intelligent and I’d learn something. I saw Neela arrive through the entrance; without a hijab. Of course this came as no surprise, Neela usually did take it off for special occasions. On top of that I heard she had a boyfriend now. Well it made sense why we never really talked much.

I noticed Hina sitting with Kowthar, and suddenly my ability to hop over to their table without drawing too much attention seemed so much better. The endless chatter on my table would make it easier. I wondered how I had end up on this table after all. None of the other girls were paying any attention to me, though there was another silent girl sitting a few seats over; too bad it was a few too many for me to talk to.

And then as I glanced another look at Hina and Kowthar, I noticed something in the corner of my eye. It was near the entrance door, someone had just entered, and as I set eyes on him, it was as if the air was sucked out of the room. He was certainly handsome, but it wasn’t the handsomeness that did it. No, he had something else. There were some other guys equally handsome and some even more so. But it was the presence, the way he walked, the way his eyes observed the room. You could feel his gravitas; it impressed upon your mind so hard. He was dressed well, black pin-striped suit. But it wasn’t the suit, it was the way he walked with confidence, intelligence, importance, it was his face, set with seriousness, no hint of a smile. It wasn’t what one would think. The chatter continued, the girls on my table continued, but now it was different. They stole glances at him every once in a while. I looked over at Neela at her own table, and noticed that she was intently watching him for a few seconds, then pretending not to, then watching him again. But it wasn’t just her, even Kowthar and Hina noticed, but they didn’t mention anything to each other. The silent girl at my table even looked up at him once or twice with shyness. But no one mentioned him. It was as if any mention of him was strictly forbidden. It was his presence. The thought of him pressed itself hard into every corner of your mind, burrowing deep within it, hiding. If the phrase “Silence speaks louder than words” was ever true, then here was the personification of it. I couldn’t help looking at him once in a while. He was like a silent explosion that went off if you looked at him. Something about him just floored you. You couldn’t shake the thought of him away. He was, in every application of the word, impressive. You would wonder about him, wanting to know about him, his name, who he was, where he was from. You wanted his intimate and personal information; his childhood, his experience growing up, whether he had ever loved or not and if so, whom.

It was strange, suddenly I didn’t want to be a biotech major anymore, it was such an ugly major, I wish I had chosen something different, something artistic and pretty, like a major of the arts, or an English major. I wish I knew how to paint, or to sing. I wish I had dressed better, or had put henna on my hands the night before. I wish I knew Tae-Kwon-Do or Kung-Fu. I wish I had or knew anything to have become more impressive than him, to have won him, to have been better than him, to have charmed him. I just wanted to catch his attention.

But I knew I wasn’t the only person who felt so. Even Neela was looking at him unsurely, biting her lip, thinking. Neela, of all girls, the one which so many guys had eventually given themselves up to her superior beauty. That was the thing with some women. It was just a game, they just wanted the guy to like them, and then the game would end and they would have won. Neela was thinking of a way to try to win the game. She would have a tough job even starting it, he wasn’t paying attention to any women as far as one could tell. It was his amazing ability to make one feel so insignificant and unimportant. Women to him were leaves blown in the wind during fall, creating pretty spirals on the ground. He noticed them, but he never did more than step on them with insignificance.

Neela tried anyways. She got up twice with her not-so-popular sidekick to get a drink. She decided to pass by his table both times. A fruitless attempt, he didn’t do as much as blink as she passed by. It was as if she hadn’t existed.

Dinner commenced. The gentlemen and women got into their respective lines to get food. I found Kowthar and Hina quickly and initiated into some productive conversation. It was a breath of fresh air, I appreciated them both for being alive and well. Neither mentioned the man. I didn’t either. I wanted to be better than him, he wasn’t good enough for me to mention. Or so I tried to convince myself.

But as dinner started, it turned out that his thought was even more of a distraction. It wasn’t an unwanted distraction. He was like an unanswered question, an answer you begged for, but never got. I just wanted to grab him, put a knife to his throat and ask him a million questions until I was satisfied. I wanted to show him that I was boss. I was going to get my chance soon enough.

After dinner, the boys and girls did their usual. Neela and her group decided to walk outside for fresh air. The boys did the same. The man was no exception, he followed his friends out, with majesty trailing in his footsteps. I went out with Kowthar and Hina too, but we had genuinely wanted to be away from the main crowd. Neela’s crowd wanted to flirt with the boys. As we went out, the boys and Neela’s crowd did their own thing. Neela was seated on the steps outside of the building, her friends surrounding her. The boys were some space away from the stairs, closer to the street. I noticed the man giving a hint of a dangerous smile once or twice as the group laughed, but then it disappeared and you were left wondering if it was ever there. He spoke few words, and I couldn’t hear. We had passed by the stairs giving our salaams and exchanging words of greetings with Neela and her group. We remained a little away from the entrance way, and on the grass.

I got those feelings again. I wanted to drive an expensive car past him, blasting loud and popular music, with Kowthar and Hina seated in the car. I wanted my hair to be blowing in the wind, majestically. I wanted to speed past, showing him what a driver I was, even though I knew I sucked at driving. I wanted him to see me. To wonder about me, the way he made me wonder about him. I wanted him to pain as he pained me. I wanted to walk by him with a more expensive suit than his, a classy suit, and sexy black high heels to match it.

Soon the boys decided to go back in. And as usual, they decided to stop by Neela’s group and exchange a few words. Neela and her girls expected this, they were waiting for this. Most of the boys were known, but the man was new. Me, Kowthar, and Hina stopped talking. We all knew why we stopped. This was going to be interesting. The man was apparently giving no attention to any of the women until his group stopped in front of them. It started out as it always does, with a seemingly innocent salaam, and then with a sarcastic comment from one side or the other. From there it took flight. The boy participated in neither the salaam, nor with the sarcastic comments. The boys relaxed somewhat while standing. The man leaned on the pillar next to the entrance, as if bored, waiting for someone of interest to walk up to him. But soon he simply started watching as the girls and boys exchanged their flirtatious statements. Neela gave him a few glances, and caught his eye several times, trying to dare him. It wouldn’t work, he only looked at her with lazy eyes, as if watching a specimen of no particular interest. She would then join the flirting again. She tried again and again, but she got no response, no result, no answers. The other girls tried as well, giggling, putting on pretty smiles and moving in flirtatious ways, then glancing at him to see if he ever noticed. He didn’t. The other boys certainly did, but he didn’t. They finished the flirt session, and the boys continued inside. Neela had lost the game before it had even begun, but she wouldn’t ever see it that way.

None of the girls mentioned the man. But his gravity lingered on all of us, even the three of us who had not engaged in the shamefulness. Kowthar and Hina started talking about how retarded it was to flirt. Then they went off about stupid men, and stupid girls. I joined in, I felt as they did.

After dessert, I decided on going into the bathroom to wash my hands. And finally, as I walked through the doors to the entrance hall, there he was. His majesty, walking back from wherever he had come. Here was my chance to pull out the knife that I didn’t have and to ask the million questions I had never thought up. There was no indication that he had noticed me, and I did the unthinkable. “Asalaamu Alaikum,” I said with an incredulous smile. I didn’t even know what was coming out of my mouth, but there it was, the words lying in front of him, to respond to as he wished, probably with silence I guessed. “Wa Alaikum Asalaam,” he replied. A deep and serious voice, and a hint of a smile and a nod, indicating respect for a self-respecting woman. And then he walked by, and back into the main hall. As he disappeared, I ran into the bathroom, neither shaken nor surprised. After all, I had only done the customary, and so had he. I felt better than him, or at least equal to him. It had been that easy to draw out a word from his never ending silence.

Then I thought of Neela, and how she had tried so hard. I even giggled a little to myself. How strange to have thought biotech and ugly major?! Or to have wanted to paint! Or goodness! To have wanted to drive around without a hijab?! How immodest of me. I giggled again to myself in mockery. Had I really thought all that?

I went back in, and sat next to my good friends. Soon after the speeches, it was time to go. The man got up, and the girls watched him. Stealing glances. Still no one had mentioned him. And as he left, a few remaining glances following him, I knew that I had opened some grounds with him. Not that it mattered to me. For some unknown reason, I knew that I’d forget him after tonight. And so would the rest of them. Until he would reappear again someplace, with all his heavy persona. He was a ghost that gave you longing. But no one could have him.

I walked out with Kowthar and Hina. I saw him again, departing from his group of friends. This time he walked by me on the way to his car, and he smiled at me again, a small polite smile, “Asalaamu Alaimum.” I gave an open smile in response to his, perhaps I was a little shy too, “Wa Alaikum Asalaam.” Now I’d remember him for one night more perhaps, but inevitably I would forget him. I heard the echo of his shoes receding, even the sound was impressive. He wasn’t the type to make you clutch your pillow at night in his thought. Nor would he cause heartbreak or severe longing. He was an unachievable end, and therefore all would refuse to dream him. Through all his reality and solidness, he was unrealizable, he couldn’t belong to anyone. He was a gleaming emerald that none would find, but will always see. He lived in his own kingdom, a kingdom without a queen. A forgotten realm that none had passage to. He had welcomed me to exchange a word with him, and that was that. He respected me.

For some reason, I didn’t want to forget him. I wanted to follow him. I had to. Tonight I was going to. I gave my salaams to Kowthar and Hina before leaving after him. Kowthar gave me a light shove on the shoulder, and asked me, “Why didn’t you tell me your husband was coming?! That’s the first time I’ve seen him!” It was the first time the man had been mentioned tonight. I laughed and replied, “I would have, but I had no idea! He said he was going out with his friends tonight.” Hina laughed and said, “I’m sure he loves you a lot, but keep an eye on him. You never know when someone like Neela might pounce on him.” I laughed, and looking toward the path he had taken, I said with casualty, “Oh he can’t be had, I would know.”

I laughed again, and then chased after the unrealizable. I was going to enter his kingdom tonight, I was going to be his queen. And tonight, I was going to show him who’s boss.

- Written September 2006

I See You

2007-02-07T08:18:00.001-05:00

by Ehsun S.

You wake up, 8:12 AM, your first class has already started, you’re going to be missing it. You head out.
The train is always packed.

You see him, on the train, standing. At least his back. You fear him. You’ve never seen him before. But it’s fear you feel, and something else. You don’t know what it is. It’s mixed emotions. Admiration is it? He is gorgeous, isn’t he? You try to look at what he’s wearing, but you can’t see anything through the crowd. You turn your eyes away, he’s got nothing to do with you. You look back, he was mysterious, just another look. He’s not there. The train’s still moving, hasn’t made any stops yet. He couldn’t have gone anywhere. You’re just seeing things maybe? Whatever.

Besides, you’re not in the mood to go to class today. Why not head into Boston for a while? Go to the Harvard Coop, read a few books, you like to read. Yeah, good idea. You get off at Harvard Station. Walking up the stairs to street level. As you come out, you see him again. He’s sitting at Au Bon Pain, inside, reading a newspaper, you see him through the glass windows, too far to meet eyes, thankfully. Again, the mixed emotions, fear, and the other one… you cant put your finger on it. But you don’t take your eyes off. You want to know, he’s so mysterious. Go, sneak up on him. It’s best if you go around the magazine stand, that way he won’t see you. You walk around the corner of the magazine stand, and look around, at the same place. He’s gone. Where did he go so fast? It took only a few seconds to cross the stand. Weird. Do your eyes really fool you twice? Maybe. Let’s hope. He was dangerous looking but… handsome, no? Forget it. Today’s a weird day maybe. Was it coincidence? Ugh, forget it!

Walk inside the coop, it’d be nice to get some breakfast at the café. Why not? The big hall excites you doesn’t it? Rows and rows of books to read, buy one before you leave, you love to read. Yeah, that’s a good idea. You walk up the spiral stairs. He’s there, again, standing, reading a magazine. Freaky. What in the world is he?! How did he get here that fast?! Your heart is rapidly racing. Like a hundred horses stampeding, he’s less than ten feet away. You want to get away, but, his face. You have a better look at it. He’s not THAT handsome. What is it about him? Your eyes don’t want to leave his face. He looks like he can kill someone and not regret it. But, there’s something else. He’s wearing a long black coat. Jet Black hair to match it. A slight beard, black. Eyebrows black. Black. He’s mysterious. But… you can tell, his face is not a face, but a mask. He hides secrets unknown to mankind. As if a man was holding back the colors from a colorless world.

Well, you’re going to have to walk past him, if you want to order at the counter. Does it matter? Besides, it’s not like he’s going to eat you if you walk past him. You walk towards him. You draw closer and closer. His eyes lift up from the page, and your eyes meet. They freeze you. They were something else. There was a fire in those dark eyes. Something exciting, different, unique. They froze you. Move! He’s staring at you, why have you stopped? You’re getting nervous, your heart is hammering badly, he can probably hear it.

He smiles, a slight smile, uneven. Those teeth, so scary. Like a vampires teeth. He’s a killer, that’s for sure. Wait. Just stay. It’s different. Those eyes. They aren’t normal. They’re different. Beautiful, terrible, but why do you fear them? He’s walking towards you. Slowly, that smile, it’s dangerous, its wonderful. The teeth. He let you see. He let you see what he doesn’t let others see through his eyes. Everything is dangerous. His eyes are so sharp. But you can see, there’s a heaven in his heart. Everything else is a mask. He’s too close. You close your eyes. Trust him. Darkness takes you.

You open your eyes. You’re in a car, on a highway. It’s a nice car, fast, powerful. You’re on the passengers side. He’s driving. It’s silent, peaceful, blissful. The highway is empty. His left arm on the steering wheel, right arm over the hand rest. He looks at you, and just a slight smile, and those eyes, the fire in them, the violence and passion. They’re seductive. They capture yours. You can’t help it, you smile. He’s dressed, very nicely, nice suit. You’re wearing a plain black jilbab, and a black hijab. I bet he thinks your gorgeous. Oh! Look down, what are you doing? You’re holding his right hand, you’re doing Henna on it, little designs that he likes. How do you know what he likes? Strange. His beard, go on, feel it, it’s so nice, smooth, even, clean. Those lips, touch them, the way they smile. But wait, finish doing the Henna, and then you have all the time you want to touch him. He’s so dark, learn his secrets, I bet he wants to show you. His heart is open for the first time in his life, take the treasure, indulge, its for you, only for you.

You open your eyes. You were asleep in bed dreaming, the mysterious man, the emotions. Just a dream. What was it? What a strange dream to have. Wait. Where are you? The bed, its different. And you’re naked. Why? You don’t sleep naked. Turn around. Look. There’s a balcony, he’s there, looking outside. He’s a in a loose pajama, and without a shirt. Your heart, its at rest for some reason, content, happy. Happy that you saw him, happy that he’s there. Why doesn’t he ever sleep? What makes him restless? Have you ever seen him sleep? Or eat? Or use the bathroom? Is he human? He sees you, you’re awake, he knows. His face was just emotionless, like the first time you saw him. He smiles when he sees you, that slight smile… and those eyes. He comes over, and hugs you. Why are you letting him do this? Put on your clothes! You’re naked! But wait, this is normal. Why? Strange. He gently sets you down again. Softly, and his touch on your cheek, just the tip of his finger. It soothes you. Is he a magician? Or worse, a jinn? No. You know all his secrets. He isn’t. He is human. Do you love him? Obviously. Why wouldn’t you, he’s incredible. Why you? Why not someone else? Someone prettier? Don’t worry about such things, he promised himself to you, paid you a Mahr, made a contract, right? Of course. You two are married. Go to sleep. Your eyes close again. And you have the most blissful sleep ever.

You open your eyes again. It’s day time. Afternoon. Oh no! Class! You’ve missed all your classes, wonderful. You’ll have to get the notes again from Yasmina, she never misses class. How could you have missed class? You dream too much. Romantic dreams. Someone needs to get married. Wait. The bed, it’s different. Where are you? Look around. There he is. He’s playing with a little girl. She must be two years old. Cute little girl. That smile, he’s so happy. His smile so big, his heart so open. Those eyes, no more fear in them, only love, they’re shining. He’s hugging her, with the same arms he puts around you at night. Wait! That’s your daughter, isn’t it? What’s he doing with her? Why is he playing with her? Go! Get her back! No. But he is her father. You’re married. To him. Comfort comes over your heart again, It’s all ok. He’s there. He looks at you, and teaches the child to wave. Your daughter smiles at you, and waves. It gives you such peace, it’s an incredible feeling, this love. He picks her up and swings her around, she loves him. Sleep for now though, there’ll be plenty of time for you to play with her.

You wake up. You fell asleep on the chair, its too comfy. You’re so old! Look at those hands! Wrinkly. You must be over fifty years old! Goodness. But look, a beautiful garden, with lovely trees. It’s very nice. You’re sitting in a porch, next to him. Where does he appear from?! Doesn’t it scare you? No. How can you be afraid? You’ve spent your entire life with him, it’s impossible. In fact… No…. It couldn’t be. Do you… love him? Yes. Of course. How can you not? He fathered your three children. But look, he looks so funny. His hair, bright white, his skin wrinkled. Those eyes, there’s no more fire in them. They aren’t as you found them. They’ve lost the passion, the fire, there is something else though. He has a calm in them. Like an endless ocean on a sunset, an ocean that barely moves. He’s still just as handsome. Still stands just as firm and strong. You smile to yourself, didn’t you first fear him? When you first saw him? Those eyes? The blackness? Well you sure found out didn’t you? He was just an undiscovered corner of the world. Or maybe he was another world? It doesn’t matter now, he’s with you, a comfort for your eyes, and you for him. He looks at you again. That same smile. But it meant something else now, the secrets gone, the mischievousness in it spent well. It’s soothing, like the gentle stroke of the breeze on your hair. That’s all you want, for him to be happy. You close your eyes again, sleep, this is comfort, this is happiness.

Wake up! You sleep so much. Strange dreams. It’s funny how some dreams are so hard to remember. Quickly though! You’ll be late for class! You get up out of bed, you’re in your room, the familiarity comforting, but something is missing. You look around. Looking for… Him? Who him? What are you talking about? Certainly something is missing. No time for this! 8:04 AM already! Get ready, quick! You head out, train is packed. You look around eagerly. For what? What are you looking for? Black? What do you mean black? You’re losing your head. Harvard Coop?! Whatever for? Why do you want to go here? You have classes to attend, don’t be ridiculous. Oh dear, I cannot believe this. You get off the stairs, and you’re staring at Au Bon Pain café? Darling, you have classes to attend, lectures. Does any of this ring a bell? No?! Ok, just calm down, go into the Harvard Coop, at least buy a book on your way out, you love to read. Café? You never eat breakfast, don’t be ridiculous. There’s something very wrong with you today. Climb the spiral stairs? Well if it’s THAT necessary to get breakfast, sure. What man? Are you alright? Look, is there anyone here that you recognize? No. Oh please. Don’t tell me those are tears. What in the world are you crying for? Dear, tell me, what is wrong? What has happened? Oh for now find a place to hide, you don’t want to be seen crying. Over there, between those bookshelves. You put your head down, towards the corner. What’s wrong? Why do you cry? The man? Husband? Dear, you are clearly losing your senses. You’re not married. And you don’t love anyone. Wait. There’s a hand on your shoulder. A familiar weight from a dream. Look up, who is it? Those eyes, so terrifying, and… there’s something else. That smile, uneven, it’s different. Your heart is pounding so hard, he could probably hear it. Who is he? He’s so mysterious. It’s… No… It can’t be… Is that? It’s... Is that… Him?

-- Written March 2006

Romance is...

2007-01-29T15:14:00.000-05:00

is for the individual...

It's not meant to be something that is publicly displayed. Between a husband and wife, romance is meant to be a deeply guarded secret. Apparently, these days, everyone seems to want to show how "romantic" one's relationship is. That, in my opinion, is pretty stupid. Those who are in a relationship seem to want to prove that they are the most romantic couple in the world.

I blame romantic films, with their notions of romance and passion, publicly shown, so that the audience admires the characters for having so much affection. Suddenly these couples want to create a relationship that everyone should be jealous of. Or if not jealous, then they should at least admire it.

It undermine's the purpose of romance. I understand a girl talking about her wonderful relationship with her husband in a small group of her close friends, but that's different. You don't announce on your blog about how your spouse thinkgs you're the most amazing thing that ever existed. You don't tell everyone you know the cute and romantic things your spouse tells you. You don't get on a podium to announce on the mic the wonderful and cute things your spouse does to keep you happy. If one's romance is public, then it's not romance anymore. It's just a selfish means to get everyone to admire you. Pretty stupid and pathetic if you ask me.

Moon of the Fourteenth Night

2006-12-11T08:40:00.001-05:00

by Ehsun S.

This night of the Fourteenth,
I am alone, beside myself in grief,
For it rightly belongs to us,
Cruel fate has silently stolen it.

Fate led us to love each other,
And now it has forced us apart,
Strange that we should hope,
For fate to reunite us forever.

No candle is needed for a night such as this,
No Shakespeare to teach me romance,
Simple and clean is how is how it should be,
On a night such as this the Fourteenth.

I stay up late in thought of you,
Regretting our night left behind,
A painful night it is without you,
A painful procession of time.

This night has come with beauty and grace,
And soon shall depart without question,
Pray tell, cruel Fate, why it leaves,
Without witnessing the dawn of our passions.

And though we have been robbed, my Love,
Live, and love me with this thought you must,
That this moon of the Fourteenth night,
Indeed it still belongs to us.

An Excerpt from Samarkand

2006-11-28T07:48:00.000-05:00

Through reading the book Samarkand by Amin Malouf, there is one particular dialogue that I found interesting between a Qadi of the city of Merv in Persia and Omar Khayyam.

Scholars in a court were debating a certain question on the subject of Islam and Allah SWT.

Khayyam was also present, and he had stayed silent, wishing to stay out of the conversation. However, one man asked him directly what his opinion of the subject is.

The excerpt is as follows:

----------------------------------

They were in hot discussion, with much gesticulating. Khayyam was happy absent-mindedly to watch everyone's expression. However a speaker called him, heaped praise upon his erudition, and asked for his opinion. Omar cleared his throat. He had not yet uttered a single syllable when the grand qadi of Merv, who had never appreciated Khayyam's presence in his city, nor the considerations constantly shown to him, jumped up from his place and pointed an accusing finger at him.
"I did not know that an atheist could express opinions on the questions of our faith!"
Omar gave a tired but worried smile.
"Who gives you permission to treat me as an atheist? At least wait until you have heard me out!"
"I have no need to hear you. Is it not to you that his verse has been attributed: 'If you punish with evil the evil I have done, tell, what is the difference between You and me?' Is not the man who puts forwards such words an atheist?"
Omar shrugged.
"If I did not believe that God existed, I would not address Him!"
"But you would address Him in that tone?" sniggered the qadi.
"It is to sultans and qadis that one must speak with circumlocution - not to the creator. God is great, He has nothing to do with our airs and graces. He made me a thinker and so I think, and I give over to Him the undiluted fruits of my thoughts"

------------------------------

I found Khayyam's reasoning to be very interesting. In the quoted verse by the Qadi, Khayyam was not mocking God, rather Khayyam, as he himself mentioned, was simply thinking, and giving up to God his thoughts.

Samarkand by Amin Maluf

2006-11-09T10:29:00.000-05:00

Ok so I'm reading this book and it's pretty much all about Omar Khayyam.

A friend recommended it to me after we both shared our common interest of Omar Khayyam. The book is highly interesting, it seems to be a semi-fictional account of Omar Khayyam's life. It talks of the beginnings of the Ismaili's sect, and the Order of the Assasins. VERY interesting, it gives me shivers. I don't know much about the Ismaili sect, nor of the Order of the Assasins, I hope to take the subject up in the future.

However, what is unfortunate is that I don't know how much of the book is actual history, or fiction, or even educated guesses or myths.

The book begins with talking about the final resting place of the only known copy of the Rubaiyaat of Omar Khayyam. I was very shocked to learn of it. The only known manuscript of Omar Khayyam now rests within a small and intricate chest, on the deck of the Titanic. The manuscript was handwritten in Farsi, by Omar Khayyam himself. The gaurdian of that manuscript survived, and was very bitter of having lost it.

Some of Khayyam's poetry can be found of course, but his Rubaiyaat, which is suspected to be the best Rubaiyaat written in the history of mankind is lost and buried with the Titanic.

The first time I read Omar Khayyam's poetry, I thought what most ppl might think: he was a drunk, a womanizer, and was mostly out of his mind. Not to mention he said extremely blasphemous things about Allah and religion.

In the book however, he is portrayed as a completely different personality. As I mentioned in earlier blogs, he was an astronomer and a mathemetician, and also the best of his day. He was highly intellectual and reasonable.
In a dialogue between him and a Qadi, the Qadi was asking him about his blasphemous verses, Omar answered, "True, but i have never said the One to be two..." which meant that he had never associated anyone with Allah SWT, and he had never said there was more than one god.

Khayyam's poetry on love and wine were literal, thats for sure. It was no allusion to Allah or to worship. Omar drank, got drunk, and wrote poetry while drunk. He wrote on love, but not on lust. The love he spoke of was genuine. For example, Khayyam had an affair with a woman of the king's court for 4 yrs before he married her. His affair lasted 4 yrs due to the fact that the woman belonged to the king's court, and was not free of will.

Khayyam was no womanizer, nor was he a drunkard. Through his poetry, I also assumed he was an old man, when on the contrary he was a young and handsome individual in his mid-20's. He was an intellectual, and longed for love, as do most individuals. Although he could be considered misguided in the matters of religion, he certainly had his own share of morals.

Ok thats all. Just thought I would do an update on what I so far have figured.

Khayyam as a personality just intruiged me, he was mysterious through his poetry...

New Sketch

2006-05-25T14:20:00.001-04:00

New sketch, done at 3am.

How Far Can Love Go?

2006-05-03T09:41:00.000-04:00

A lover asked his beloved: “Do you love yourself more than you love me?” The beloved replied: “I have died to myself, and I live for you. I’ve disappeared from myself and my attributes. I am present only for you. I have forgotten all my learnings, but from knowing you I have become a scholar. I have lost all my strength, but from your power, I am able. I love myself, I love you. I love you, I love myself.”

I was thinking about this. Is it possible to reach such a level with someone, that you forget yourself? Of course, the greatest love is for Allah, but assuming you have that, is it possible to love someone so much like that?

Cliques

2006-05-02T21:36:00.000-04:00

Alright, so I’m coming out of the Atwater Kent building on campus, and I see four of my friends standing talking outside the library. Two were desi, one was Irani, and one was Turkish. So I walk up, and they’re talking about what were their plans for that night. Here’s how the dialog went (Desi2 didn’t talk much):

Irani: So what you guys doing tonight? Smoking shisha?
Desi1: No man, not tonight. I quit you know. *sarcasm in the second sentence*
Turkish: Haha! Yeah man, whatever, you’re such a liar.
Irani: You quit? You’re like the shisha master man, I know you didn’t quit.
Desi1: Hey I did! *sarcasm* What are you guys doing tonight?
Turkish: Nothing much, just gonna study.
Irani: Same here man.

*Turkish guy and Irani guy leave*

Me: It’s Saturday night man, you’re seriously not doing anything?
Desi2: Yeah, we’re smoking shisha. Haha!
Me: Hahahahahaaha. Alright. What was all that then?
Desi1: Those two are kinda rowdy you know, so I didn’t wanna call em over.
Me: Oh alright then. I’ll be there.

Alright, so they kinda lied. And that’s how cliques form. You invite people who are desi, and leave out the ones that aren’t. But to be honest, they don’t do that all the time. Sometimes you get a non-desi come and chill too. But sometimes you need to spend time with people you’re more comfortable with.

I know we all look at this clique thing and we think it’s bad. But think about it, can it really be helped? Is it so bad? I mean it’s the people who speak your language and come from the same place that you’re gonna be comfortable with, right? Like if I went to my friend’s place, and got rowdy, they wouldn’t mind telling me to settle down, cause I’m closer to them by default, through culture. But if the non-desis came and got rowdy, they can’t really say anything to them, because they have to play their part of being a good host. Whereas in my case, I’m not so much of a guest.

So are cliques really bad? Of course you gotta extend out and chill with people outside of your culture, but a lot of times you really need to be in that comfortable zone which lets you have more fun.

Sketches

2006-04-27T22:18:00.000-04:00

The Ghettos

2006-04-24T08:56:00.000-04:00

On my daily drive to my university, I have to drive through one of the worst parts of the city of Worcester. It’s a ghetto. A very depressing one. It’s really something that people need to see to realize the evidence of poverty in the US. There’s a liquor store on pretty much every street corner, broken down houses that people still live in, underage kids smoking cigarettes on the street curbs, and much more. And then it kinda strikes you, that if you go only 5 miles in the other direction (about a 7 minute drive), you’ll find people driving Mercedes E500’s and BMW 5-series. Heck, I even saw a Lambo once. And around the same area, there’s also a very expensive and exquisite BMW dealership. Then there are the $3 million dollar houses/mansions that you could find if you get off Route 9 and explore the inner streets.

Yeah, it sorta depresses you. But when you start to think a little more, you realize that it’s the people in the ghettos that are mocked with TV shows like Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Deal or No Deal, and other such reality shows, which drive children and adults alike to pursue gambling, and raffles, to live on “luck” because they’re tired of living on their own sweat and blood, without getting anywhere in life. The children live on dreams, not knowing that they can achieve greatness through education. Drugs, sex, and drinking are the ideal lifestyle. Education is devalued, because of course, you don’t need to be smart to appear on American Idol or Deal or No Deal. Success through education becomes the unachievable dream, while the television shows become the seemingly achievable reality.

It’s the children in the ghetto who grow up on this trash, not the children sitting in the backseat of a Mercedes. Reality shows become the dream to aspire to for the ghetto population, when in fact, reality shows are a means of mocking those who suffer in poverty, “Hey look, look how lucky SHE is, she gets a chance at a million dollars. Too bad life just hates you, you’ll probably never get that chance. Then again, maybe you will, there is the smallest probability that you could be in her shoes one day. And if not, then there’s always the lottery to play.” And that, that just gets you angry and infuriated. You realize the vicious cycle the poor children are stuck in, only the few exceptional ones are going to make it out. The rest, they’ll probably grow up aspiring to the same reality show dream. They probably won’t go to college. They’ll probably have to make a living on two jobs, minimum wage, living on the hope of winning the lottery or getting selected to one of those reality shows. If they’re lucky, they might make some money by climbing the ranks in a gang, or getting involved in a drug business. Only to be gunned down later in life while working in that same profession. And if they get children, those children are going to grow up in the ghetto, aspiring to new reality shows, also devaluing education, and in turn, those children will grow up to become contributors to the ghetto, with only a select few having realized the trap and escaped the cycle. It’s like a lock that keeps them ignorant, and they can’t help it, because it’s all that they see and know.

And after all that thinking, you have mixed feelings: anger, sorrow, disgust. And just five miles away, there are people who have luxuries that none of the children in the ghetto will ever have, even the descendants of those children will never have. Yet you can’t blame the rich, they live in personal interest, the value of this country, capitalism.

It’s a sad state when you think about it.

May Allah SWT grant those needy people Hidayaah, and free them from ignorance.

May Allah SWT grant us all Hidayaah, and success in this world and in the hereafter, Ameen.

Reflection of the Nameless

2006-04-16T18:49:00.007-04:00

by Ehsun S.

Reflection of the Nameless

You ask me my name,
My place of origin,
My mother and father,
The color of my skin.

I tell you now, none of this matters,
My complexity beyond your imagination,
Unthought of and different,
Incomprehensible, except by permission.

I belong to the night and its darkness,
I am but a mirage, woven from dreams,
So undefined, I’m almost an illusion,
My emotions hidden, entirely unseen.

I am what rain is to famine,
I am what blood is in war,
I am the fear that instills you,
I am the love that you yearn for.

I’ll appease the fire that dances in your chest,
I’ll be the water that heals you,
I’ll be the medicine that existence begs of,
I’ll be the calm you wake up to.

I am the better half of fate,
From me comes surreal satisfaction,
I am a part of what’s destined,
I am what gives you this blissful sensation.

I am the blue feeling among the black color,
The feeling that closes your eyes,
I am the sorrow that makes your heart smile,
I am the happiness that gives you reason to cry.

I am what others chose never to be,
The heal that feeds on your pain,
This is my curse, my blessing and burden,
The scars on my being, hidden by a curtain of rain.

I am far too dark to be imagined,
Much to deep to be felt,
I am an existence that relieves the painful,
Too much of a secret to be held.

If you should walk through my heart’s garden,
Be careful when picking the rose,
For the loss of the blue petals,
Hurts more than the prick of its black thorns.

Top 20 Annoying Things

2006-04-16T18:42:00.000-04:00

Ok, top 20 things that i find annoying:

1) My little brother.

2) Rude girls.

3) Promise-breakers.

4) Trust-breakers

5) Men who fight over women.

6) Pimps.

7) Playas.

8) Any poem that im writting and it wont come out right.

9) Any sketch that im doing and it wont come out right.

10) Girls who complain about being oppressed as females.

11) Girls who complain about being oppressed as females, and they dont do anything about it.

12) Girls who talk excessively about tiny crushes they've had.

13) Girls who have pictures of orlando bloom or someone like that pasted on their binders.

14) Men who have posters of ppl like Pamela Anderson and Carmen Electra hanging on their wall.

15) Men who have swimsuit model desktops.

16) Men who drool over women.

17) Men who are obsessed with pointing out the "hot chik" in a crowd.

18) People who have a tough time understanding that I am also entitled to holding my opinion.

19) Men who wear their hearts on their sleeves.

20) Friends who turn their back on you for a girl.

Realization of Reality

2006-04-16T18:35:00.000-04:00

I wrote this a while back, about a year ago. Digging through old archives on my computer certainly surprises me.

-----------------------

Who is the Real Me? Who is the Real You? There is no such thing. You, me, everyone around us---constantly changing faces, to adapt to the constantly changing environment that we live in. You, me, we are simply the projecting image of the visions we have of ourselves. Our presentation of ourselves is what we believe is the completion of our visions, and that is never true. No one is real, not in this age we live in, not in this time.

What is real? This world is a blurred and aging portrait; fleeting in nature, confusing and temporary; like a dream in which you have everything, and you wake up to find nothing--Everything is unstable and nothing is definite.

There is no singular reality. People will only tell you what they want you to know, and what they want you to know will not always be the truth. Reality is merely what we perceive and sense. The greater and more pleasurable the sense, the greater our realization and acceptance of it; the more bitter it is, the more our resistance and hesitance to accept it. What we believe is what we have accepted as our reality. The reality that we will deny most is what will conflict with our core beliefs. Your reality is yours, and my reality is mine. Although I can guarantee that they will not always differ entirely, they will never be the same. Communication and compromise must be existent between the two, or survival is rendered impossible.

Emotions are the by-products of when our realities are changed or when two realities make contact. The more dramatic and vicious the change or contact is, the stronger and more expressive our emotions become. Conversely, Emotions can change our realities and the way two realities fuse or clash.

Anyone can suppress desires to the point of their nonexistence, and anyone can build desires from nothing; absolute termination and spontaneous generation. The strength of our will to do so is what matters. A sword smith cannot construct without his hammer.

The world is a raging battlefield. From the individual perspective, it will all end, inevitably, one way or another. There is no collective perspective, every man fights his own battle; a battle to change the properties of his reality to one that suits his desires. Such battles are never won, but they are ended. In this battle, some will find death, and others will be found by it. Then what is the difference? Death is unwanted by those who are found by it, and those who find it are indifferent to it. What is more important to understand is that all men will meet it.

Insomnia?!

2006-04-16T18:23:00.000-04:00

I have this crazy case of sleeplessness.

A few nights back, I finish my homework at around midnight, and then go to the gym in my apartment complex. And I excercise/lift until about 1:30 am. This was like a monday night. Got home, put on my headphones, and sketched some and did some photoshop while listening to music. And then my mother busts in and screams at me to go to sleep. 3 am, and I'm asleep.

It's not just one night, this is the case on most nights. Before I used to have an iPod so I'd try to fall asleep by listening to some sad/slow song, and it kinda worked. Now my iPod broke, so I can't sleep. Reading helps, but keeping the light on pisses my little brother off (my family revolves around him basically, I even cook his breakfast on weekends).

In the summer I used to be out at midnight rollerblading, all the couples would think I'm stalking them, and the lonely girls who were walking around and talking on a cell phone seemed pretty paranoid about me rollerblading.
At around 1am I come home and usually sleep.

And then horror of horrors.... the sun rises... thats when I'm dropping during classes, finding couches between classes to sleep on, or sitting online to entertain myself. I start picking up a pencil and taking notes in class, and my eyes begin to go out of focus.

For me, the most comfortable time to sleep is after Asr and before Maghrib, then wake up at around 7/8pm. Thats wat I call heaven on earth. Unfortunately, I'm at college until about 8pm.

God help me...

Nightmare of the Loved and Beloved

2006-04-15T20:54:00.002-04:00

This poem was inspired by a nightmare i had a few days back.... i manifested the mood and the feeling of the nightmare into a story...

---------
By Ehsun S.

Nightmare of the Loved and Beloved

I am haunted by a nameless dread,
A darkness that brings to me its pains,
So beautifully seductive,
Its embrace so painfully tame.

It takes me gently by my throat,
And shatters again my shattered soul,
And as I lie naked upon the floor,
Death sings to me in pretty tones.

I am bloodless yet forever bleeding,
Lifeless yet forever dying,
I am no longer meant to love or hate,
I will be forever fighting.

I dare to lift my eyes to the darkness,
To put a name, a face to this dread,
I summon a strength that no longer exists,
I find courage to replace it instead.

I recognize the fine features,
As one would realize a slow death,
Mother of all pains perpetual!
Father of all torments ineffable!

My beloved I cannot bear to see,
I have been completely robbed of my trust,
My courage abused and terribly raped,
My strength has been cast to the dust.

My heart seems to tear up inside me,
My body slowly falls to the ground,
The blood-stained floor a blur beneath me,
Mine is a soul that will never be found.

The sun begs for my eyes to open,
The birds sing sweet songs to wash away my fears,
I wake up to find my beloved,Standing beautifully,
wiping away my tears.

Strife

2006-04-15T20:43:00.001-04:00

Just a poem i thought was worth sharing, I wrote it for my graduation.

----

By Ehsun S.

STRIFE

The night is dark,
Cloudless and starless,
The road is rough,
I must walk it regardless.

Cloaked and barefooted,
Starved and exhausted,
My walk is heavy,
Painful, yet sure-footed.

Endless it seems,
This march that i make,
Rest I cannot,
I must stay awake.

Fate follows from behind me,
Death awaits me up ahead,
Strange that what i run from,
Is exactly where I'm led.

Slowly now i realize,
Just as it seems that i have won,
That a few year's journey has ended,
And a lifetime's march begun.

More on Omar Khayyam

2006-04-15T20:38:00.000-04:00

As it turns out, Omar Khayyam was an astronomer and a Mathematician. However, I've been told that a lot of persian poetry used a lot of analogies, so that alcohol and intoxication were really analogies to the worship of Allah SWT.

I had a discussion with a few friends on this issue, and i thought it would be wise to share their words:
-----

look persian poetry is all about wine and love and lust. these are metaphors. the love analogies are many times about love for god. as far as wine its an analogy for being really into the object of the love. its not just omar khayyam who does this. but pretty much every poet around will do it. jami? (well his name is jami for god sakes). hafiz? yes. rumi? yes. saadi even i believe. taht being said there are doubts about if omar khayyam actually wrote the rubbiyat given that it was discovered after his death and no one really knew he was a poet during his lifetime.

-----

Another friend also commented and shared with me his thoughts on the issue:

In the terminology of Tasawwuf, drinking wine and becoming intoxicated are in reference to loving Allah subhanahu wa-ta`ala and not actual drinking. To this I want to add, that ignorance may lead one to make Takfir of someone because he does not understand what he is saying; and that someone may be a Wali of Allah subhanahu wa-ta`ala and the enemies of the 'Awliya have Allah's curse upon them. Please be more careful in your judgements, and no there is evidently no benefit to reading poetry for the person who is lead astray because of it and his ignorance. In fact, some authors forbade laymen reading their works for this reason. These things should be read and studied under the guidance of a Shaykh.

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meh....

Women are a Fitnah

2006-04-14T18:14:00.000-04:00

Women are a fitnah.

Any doubt that I ever had in that statement washed away a few days ago, when seeing two cousins fight online over a girl pathetically. Apparently, I, with a few others had to moderate the fight to make sure that things stayed more or less civil. A SICKENING experience. It is by far one of the more depressive things that I have seen in life.

The story? Here’s the general plot:
Guy X wants to marry some girl, Guy Z wants to marry the same girl. Girl has already chosen that she wants to marry Guy Z. Guy X has been tossing a tantrum about it for a few months now.

There’s no need to mention details, as that is besides the point. Sure I had heard stories of things like this happening. Sure I knew it happened. I read it in history. Women were fought for. Wars waged in their names. Bloodshed and murder committed to appease them. Riches spent and squandered in their favor. Entire nations destroyed over such a small thing as a woman.

But did they learn what history had to teach? No. I brought it up, sure, but no. They didn’t listen. They fought for it like a trophy to be won. Sickos. They disgust me to no end.
Although both of the men sickened me, Guy X sickens me more. The girl has chosen who she wants to marry. Why cry over it? Why the self-pity? Why rant to others of his pathetic heartbreak? And why bother Guy Z and his family for “stealing“ the girl?

I know why. Theatrics. Self-pity. Drama. Pity from others. Absolutely PATHETIC. I honestly thought I’d never witness such a calamity.

Guy Z bothers me for two reasons.
1) He isn’t married to the girl, he doesn’t love her. He could easily let go of her and be the better man, I mean it’s JUST a girl. GOODNESS!
2) He gloats about having the girl, hugs and romances with her in front of Guy X. Has he won a trophy? A prize? Has he beaten his opponent in some competition?

Both sicken me to no end. It’s men like those that I’d like to expel from the species of men. They aren’t men. They don’t deserve to be called men.
The way they laid waste to their honor and dignity, the way they threw self-respect out the window, you can say that they are only physically are men. They could not defend their own reputations, how can they defend the reputation of their wives if they are ever blessed with any?

How can they provide for their wives honor if they cannot provide for their own honor? They literally prostituted their honor, respect, and dignity for a girl. How DISGUSTING. A true man doesn’t throw around his feelings. He suppresses them. Instead of wearing his heart on his sleeve, he hides it. Instead of holding on so tight to some girl he isn’t even related to, a true man would let go of it to solve the problem and put it at ease. Did either of them live up to that expectation? Nope. They failed the race of men. No. I’m sorry. They have failed HUMANITY.

Neither of them deserves to have a wife. Neither of them deserves to marry. And if by some miracle, they do get married, Allah help the poor souls that marry them, and may Allah be the protector of their honor and dignity.

Are you wondering whether these two men were Muslim? Yes, they were. And it breaks my heart to admit it. Not only are they just Muslims, they are practicing Muslims who fell prey to such a trap laid by shaitaan.

Did I try to help them both? Yes, with all my might, I screamed at them (as close as one could get to screaming at someone else online). I tried to tell them how to work it out. I tried to tell them what to say. But no, they didn’t listen, one wanted to play his theatrics and drama, and the other wanted to gloat and bask in his “glory.”

One wanted to wallow in self-pity, screaming of his “heart-break”, while the other just had to hang on tightly to his newly won “trophy.”

Had neither of them learned from history? Had they not learned from what history had to offer them, the lessons? No, they took no heed. Personal pleasure, that’s all they cared for.
How incredibly pathetic. Neither of them are even worth half a man. Shame on both of them.
And what about the girl? Well, I never talked to her, I don’t know her. But if she cares at all about her reputation, I think she should dump both of those pathetic losers and find a guy worth marrying.

Yeah, I’m done with venting my thoughts and anger on the issue. It really was pathetic, I was almost ashamed of having even the smallest human desires to marry, be they physical or emotional.

Before I end, I will mention a story a very close friend of mine once related to me:
The story was of two sahabah. I cannot be sure of the authenticity, as I have not read it myself, but have heard it.

The first sahabah tells the second sahabah of a girl he wishes to marry. The second sahabah, wishes to do him the favor of going to the girls house and making a proposal for him as the first sahabah is too shy. The first sahabah waits outside the house as the second sahabah goes in. The second sahabah talks to the parents of the girl. The parents say to the second sahabah, “We do not wish to marry our daughter to him, but we would like to marry her to you.” The second sahabah gratefully accepts the counter-proposal. However, on his way out, feels guilty of what he has done. His goal was to obtain the marriage for his brother, not for himself. He confesses to the first sahabah of his deed. The first sahabah does not become angry, in fact he is happy for him, and celebrates for his brothers happiness.

Sure, that might not be authentic, but it’s a story worth learning from regardless. It’s nothing great, but it’s an example of how one brother should be for another.
Oh! SubhanAllah, it just comes to my mind, something we all know that is authentic:
One cannot be a true believer until you wish for your brother what you wish for yourself.

With that I’ll end.

I hope I didn't offend any ladies/sisters. I apologize if I have, but I think we all agree that such a horrible case should never happen. I am not blaming it on the girl at as much as I'm blaming it on the two guys.

May Allah grant us all guidance, and save us from all types of fitnah.
Aameen.

The Poetry of Omar Khayyam

2006-04-14T17:53:00.000-04:00

My grandfather from my mother's side in india had a humongous library, books from the early 1900's, real antiques. I bought a few interesting ones bak home, one of them was a small book of Omar Khayyam's poetry. Omar Khayyam was a persian poet, he wrote in Farsi, the book that i have talks little about him, i dont know which age he lived in, but considering his verses, it was an Islamic period. More could be assumed from his poetry: he was heavily drunk, blasphemed Allah and the Deen, and was crazy about love and women. However, going through the compilation, i found some very touching verses, gems among the dirt...

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Oh ye ignorant, this corporate form is nothing,
And this chequered dome of nine spears is nothing.
Be merry, for this abode of life and strive is nothing;
We depend on one breath, and this breath is nothing

------

To the face of the rose, the New Year's (21 March) is pleasant,
On the background of the meadow a beautiful face is pleasant;
Of bygone yesterday nothing you may say is pleasant;
Be merry, speak not of yesterday; today is pleasant.

------

If you follow in the wake of lust and whim,
Let me warn you that you will proceed without profit.
Consider who you are and whence you came;
Know what you do and whither you are going.

------

The beloved one for whose sake my heart has become fevered
Has herself been caught by grief for another.
How can I strive to obtain my own recovery,
When my physician himself has fallen ill?

------

Those are just a few. But the majority of his verses are about wine, and drinking.
It kinda makes me feel uncomfortable though, to admire his good poetry, because pretty much 95% of his poetry is either about wine or is blaspheming Islam.
Although his good verses are powerful, his "bad" verses are just as powerful, if not more so.

A few examples:

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I will drink wine, and whoever like me is a wise man
Will make light of my drinking.
My drinking was known to the All-Wise in the beginning;
If I were not to drink, God's Knowledge would be ignorance.

------

Whilst Time revolves, pick your fruit;
Sit upon the throne of joy and grasp the goblet.
God is above your obedience and your disobedience,
Try once at least to satisfy your own desire in this world.

------

They tell me those who drink are doomed to Hell;
This is a common saying, but I cannot believe it.
If all those in love and those who drink were to be in Hell,
Tomorrow you would see Paradise as empty as my hand.

------

They say the month of fasting has drawn near;
Henceforth I will be unable to seek the tavern.
On the last of Shabaan I shall drink so much wine,
That throughout Ramazan I shall lie intoxicated until the festival.

------

just a thought...

Art for art's sake, and then there's Beauty

2006-04-14T17:52:00.000-04:00

I had a discussion with a friend a while back.
Should art just be about making beautiful things?
Or should it be about putting a meaning or purpose within the beauty?

I always thought that beauty in itself was a purpose, a meaning. Sure, there's nothing wrong with putting meaning in art, but why couldnt art just be for art's sake?
For someone like me, it's just eyecandy, you look at it, you like it, and if you're a deep person, you put meaning to it as you wish.

What about beauty being the eye of the beholder?
Sure, i could make something that half my friends like, and the other half dont, its about perspective, but i believe that there are things that are universally beautiful. How can anyone say that love is not beautiful? What about peace? Who can say that peace is ugly? Who doesn’t think that peace is beautiful? If someone said that this idea of achieving peace was stupid, and waging war was a better idea, wat would u say? To begin with, does anyone say that at all?

Although our realities and perspectives are always different, there are aspects that will always be the same. For example, if it is daytime, can u tell me that the sun has not yet risen, that the sun does not exist? That is an undeniable truth. The sun does exist. Similarly, love is beautiful, and so is peace. Both u and I are sitting at a table, on the table, there is a book. Can u say that the book does not exist? Similarly, love and peace are beautiful. It is a property of everyone’s reality. Some things do not differ through different perspectives.

When it comes down to trivial matters, sure, its about perspective, but some things are beautiful for everyone.

The Concept of Pain

2006-04-14T17:18:00.000-04:00

I like to think alot...
So, since I was very young, I've been fascinated by the concept of pain, the way it hurts, what it is, why it does wat it does.

I've learned in life to control emotions, control feelings. I believe that the mind and body can be consciously controlled to its fullest extent, which includes control of emotions, articulation of body movements, control of what you think or believe, control of instinctual behavior and natural stimuli.

So what about pain? Can it not be controlled? After all, in the end, it's all in your head. Sure it starts from your nerve endings and goes up to the brain, but that's where you really register pain. That's where you're like, "Oh shit, that hurts... i think ill stop now..." right?

So if your emotions and thoughts can be controlled, why can pain not be controlled in the same way?

Maybe its hard to understand, let me explain...

Pain bothers us, it has such a profound impact on us, you feel pain, you scream, twitch, distort facial expression, make some kinda noise, somehow you respond. Because it bothers you. But it's really in the head, isnt it? So you must be able control it in someway. To be able to suppress it. Pain distorts our ability to think clearly, it hinders our physical motor skills.

I'm not looking to eliminate pain, rather, I'm looking to keep the same realization of it, but to eliminate the bothersome-ness of it that exists in the mind. It's more of an acceptance that allows you to continue on with normal life even while experiencing pain.

If habits can be made and broken, can you not build the habit of the disregard of pain? Can you not turn pain so that it means little. If you keep doing sumthing over and over, you get used to it, normalized to it, it becomes a part of life, not sumthing to push away or get rid of. Can the same not be done with pain?
If pain keeps occuring, you get accustomed to it, and therefore, pain means less to you, therefore having less of an effect.

For example, say you stub your toe, most people would distort their face in pain, and start limping. What if you had the mental strength to accept pain, and continue to walk normally, even though it "hurts" with every step?

I think this is achievable, and can be seen in real life.
I have a friend who doesn't feel cold at freezing temperature outside. But i can't handle it. Why? Becuase he is accustomed to it, he lived his entire life in Maine, and so can handle the extreme weather.

My hypothesis is that if one is accustomed to pain, it becomes an easier burden to bear on the mind.

Blog...?

2006-04-14T17:05:00.001-04:00

Anyway...

I'm sitting home with nothing to do, what is left but to create a blog to rant about life?

I present to you ladies and gentlemen, Ehsun's blog.

To begin with, I'm a guy, live in USA. My full name is Ehsun. I'm a student studying for a Bachelors in Electrical Engineering.

So... about me.... well....

To begin with, I'm a Muslim and proud of it. Born and bred Muslim. Now everything else follow...

I'm all about cars. cars, money, and the night. everything that defines Boston and NYC.
By the way, if you don't know stick shift, and you're a guy, take you're license and rip it up, you don't deserve it.

I love Boston and Manhattan, when I get rich, I'm gonna get a penthouse in Manhattan...
I don't care about sports (except the Superbowl and the world cup).

That doesn't mean I don't exercise. I love to roller blade, lift weights, jog sometimes (but only wen no one is looking, cause I look like an idiot when I jog).

I like to do some freestyle wrestling with friends, but I always get killed by the bigger man.

Recently I picked up sketching, I didn't have a job over winter break and I got bored, and decided to sketch.

So....
yeah...
thats me...

I love music, mostly club, dance,trance, vocal trance, chill techno, lounge, electronica, some rock, some rap, and anything else that sounds good and has a good beat.

I also like to think a lot, I think too much sometimes and confuse my self, and then I go screw up at certain points in life.

I like to check out art, I like to sketch paintings I see. I love the feeling of creating something beautiful.

I also like to make people laugh, although I don't think I'm very good at it. Sarcasm is my game, it's what i do, always. I like people with a cruel sense of humor.

I guess this is a start, we'll see what else life has to throw at me, so I can write it here.

And yes, I do plan to take over the world...